Friday, September 15, 2006
I've been coming home feeling sick for two days now. I dunno, i feel feverish, restless, no sleep, bigger eyebags, and of that, i think im dying. My energy is suddenly drained from school, i only got 2 weeks of it and already, im almost giving up. Things have changed drastically; now that my former friends are gone out to college, i now actually do my homeworks right after 2nd, maybe Mr. D was right, i work too much. Well, what can i do? if i've done better last year, i won't "sweat it" like i am now my senior year; my classes are much harder now and my APs pretty much consumed what's left of my life.
You know what my issue is? Time management. I cannot, in any way, manage my time in a proper, biblical way. There are too much distractions around, pictures on the wall, computer, music, and did i mention computer? I do my homeworks although it takes me forever to get them done. It would take me the whole night every single day. Last night is an example...I ditched my other homeworks completely and brought my attention to my drawing project. Did i finish it? Nope. It took me 4 hours to shade 3 of the objects and only got a "you should darker your shades" "dont smear..." "try distuingishing your lines from the shaded area.." from my art teacher. My "artistic" spirit is dampen for the moment; i dont hate him for being honest with me but i felt like my effort the night before wasnt enough. My eyes were hurtin for goodness sake! what does he want me to do? Get an eye glasses next time? The freakin life of an artist-in- training aint fun at all. It needs motivation, lotsa patience and the ability to takes criticisms lightly. Unfortunately, i dont have that, or so i think i dont. So, i ask myself why do i even wanna get to an art school when i couldnt manage to hang on for this high school class? I dunno. I thought i have the ability to be so (some sort of an arsty bum) although i am now finding out that i really dont...i give up too easily or that i just can't love my own creations. argh.
And look, its the only the 2nd week of school and i for one is already packed with schoolworks. The fall semester had always been uncooperated with me. I find myself counting days, "when's winter break, the weekend is 5 days from now, summer is next year" this and that. I just cant wait to be a bum again, to sleep until my head hurts, eat a breakfast/lunch double meal, tsk tsk. Do i miss summer all of a sudden? grrr. I think i do which proves me that really, i dont like changes for the first few months. Its not fun getting use to school again. There arent many awesome people to hang out anymore. Its just sad that the majority of CP high are 9th graders and only 32 seniors in the magnet. What's weird is i feel like this week is longer but went by fast. I dont know what happen monday or tuesday, its like being in another month.
Well, that is what been bugging me lately. I just hope that my 17th year which is 2 days from now will bring me better luck in school & the things that constitute it. whatever, im crashing my bed.
-keekee's tired. bless my soul.
Blast that stereo, LOUD! {5:38 PM}
