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Tis barely the start of my spring break and I'm already bored. And just like two weeks ago, I am yet again urgeful to go out and have one of my night walks, or just do something unrelated to art. I would go out tonight but I aint got no money besides a dollar bill and a quarter I've saved up from last week. You want the truth? It's not fun to be 17, unemployed, and still living on my parent's house. While i could ask my mom for money, I doubt she'd give it to me and waste it on whatever I bloody hell want. That's not how it works in my household, unfortunately. My mom's idea of fun is working and paying bills and surely, I don't wanna do that yet and I don't wanna sit on the house all day either conversing with her; i've been damned recently, rotting away in my room besides when my friends call me up or I call 'em up to do something because i'd already in the brink of pulling out all my hair and possibly even shaving my head completely.

I've been hearing my mom and my aunt from London talking about my cousin Manda and I, over the phone. I dunno how it happens but every time she calls, their conversations will be linked to my phone's room and would hear 'em clearly. My aunt phone calls now became a morning-wake-up call for me which is good considering my alarm clock is not working very well...or maybe, i'm just deaf. But anyway, it's funny how they've been getting along lately and even found something in common, Manda and I. I hear my aunt whines about my cousin everyday--how Manda doesn't realized "hard-work", her constant socializing (drinking, smoking) with her english gay friends a pet peeve, irresponsibility and her disrespectfulness towards my aunt. Then of course, my mom would bring up: ME, although i'm slightly saner than Manda, who FYI i haven't met but already, i feel like I've known her all this time, they both would still find something to gossip about us. Should moms be damning their kids? I mean suurrreeee, its very hard to raise someone like me who rarely ask for anything, rarely say anything to her, and if i did, it would be something in the lines of "Yea" or "I dunno" and when we have our monthly arguements, they're like world wars but nothing that involves rifles and bombs. Thus, I came to an absolute conclusion that these women, my mom and my aunt are hating.

The first time i heard 'em talk about me, I was shocked and kinda pissed but hearing them conversing about how i'm so americanized, lazy and asks too much money(????? 10$ a week? that's not a lot, and I dont ask her. She gives it to me) everyday now is kinda funny and enjoyable. I admit, i'm very lazy when it comes down to doing my school works but, while I can sit here and finish everything in one day or even clean the whole house if that's what they want, I just don't wanna prove them wrong as of the moment. Just because I still don't have a job and of course, don't give her money just like my wonderful kissed up brother do every fucking friday, my mom dislikes the living hell out of me and thinks I aint doing anything but bum.

My mother does not know me at all. How could she know i'm not doing anything relevant of my future when in fact she's gone most of the time. SO i find it ridiculous for her to whine how lazy I am and trust me, she's not any better. But hey, I'm not to prove her wrong but if that's what will make 'em (aunt and mom) happy, then so be it. I'll work by my own means, period.


Darn. I get carried away. what about my spring break? I wanna cry then commit suicide because it seems like its gonna be a big bang of boredom and a week of house arrest. Boo. and Art ain't helping either. I finished one, however, i still have 10 more to do which is a lot and i'm kinda running out of ideas; I decided that collages are soo last year. My art teacher gave me all that I deserved. I guess i now have to pay for my weekly procrastinations.

Anyway, If money was not the problem, i'm sure I'd have a better break. I'll figure something to do later, hopefully. But here's what i've been working on:
The cam was lopsided. :D I used chalk for this piece. It's a hard medium to use. The color does not stay very well and it smears pretty easily.

Labels: artwork, fake emo's dead, family affairs, stanky break

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What came first, the music or the misery? People worry about kids playing with guns, or watching violent videos, that some sort of culture of violence will take them over. Nobody worries about kids listening to thousands, literally thousands of songs about heartbreak, rejection, pain, misery and loss. Do you listen to music because you're miserable? Or you're miserable because you listen to music?

I listen to music because it makes a dull moment a lot brighter, an indirect media that inspires me greatly when ideas aren't easily coming and I need to turn in an art project or an essay the next day. "Music" is the first thing i take refuge too day-by-day as if it turns to another life-form, an imaginary friend that is melodious and at the most, upbeat and soulful. I honestly cannot function without a tinge of music background playing; it feels as though i'm in my own live movie and I badly need music to complete an imperfect scene. When i come home everyday, i turn on my computer and directly play probably songs that I've only heard a hundreds of times. It doesn't bother me that my mp3 player evolves into a broken CD--it absolutely drives me nuts when I will not be able to listen to my favorite songs, however.

There was a time when my bro went in a total cuckoo mode and deleted all my songs on his player. While limewire wasn't working properly that time, I freaked out I couldn't listen to Pete Yorn and Gomez until after I confront my bro about it. I didnt bitch on him, didnt even say anything about it because until now, we're still in a god damn cold war, but I tried to figure out how to transfer all the hundred songs i have in limewire to his mp3 player. I managed after a frustrating couple of hours with only 7 songs transfered. I was pissed he had to delete everything that took me to download for days, even months. A few weeks ago, limewire started to function properly and I am relieved that it did. I missed my broken social scene and hot hot heat and my absolute joy related to music: blasting the volume until the manager that lives next door to us starts to get piss.

Music can be very powerful or it can be just like that, "music" and would not even affect anyone. For me though, music and so many others, like coffee and chocolate are my drugs but regardless how i'm addicted to 'em, it is nothing to worry about--I will not cut my wrists or attempt suicide just because the vocalist of Dashboard Confessional screams misery and pain. I personally find kids who poses emo, running another make-up lifestyle like its the new millenium, ridiculous in its form. I do not have anything against anyone's values, if you wanna be "emo" then fine but I would like to question how a genre of music, "emo" have turned into a wrist-slashing and crying for no reason at all procession. Consequently, knowing how to express ones emotion should be acceptable and not be called "emo". There is nothing wrong with expressing your sadness, your anger, your pain if one do have a good reason to be so but if you're just sad because its what your peers are or it is what's "in", then, an idiot like you should stay miserable for being so pathetic and conforming to such lifestyle.

Music should not make anyone miserable. It should make you, as corny as it may sound, alive and inspired. As for the question earlier, I think i am mostly undergoing artist block, not misery, that is why i take music as an account to loosen up my screws and be carefree.

Labels: fake emo's dead, la vive musica

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If you think playing hard to get is going to land you the apple of your eye, think again. People tend not to notice people who don't seem to notice them -- and this person is busy right now. If you really want to catch this person's eye, you have to either wait until his or her life calms down, or make the first move. Keep in mind that you might be getting a lot busier very soon. Is right now really a good time for you to get something new started?

Can i just ask someone to get the apple for me? IF i do wanna catch his eyes, can i just sit still and wait for him to give me his eyes instead of ganging on him to give it to me? Teenage Love. Any kind of love. What is it? Why many of us kiddos want someone to loved and to do the same back? Are we running out of time or time is running out for us? OR is it a trend that needs us to conform to? Get a guy or a girl and boast you have one and make those who don't miserable?

When i listen to Mari whine how she doesn't have a space anymore because of her new relationship, I just wanna bang my head for her. The same thought comes in mind when i hear thousand of others whining how bad they've gotten their relationships into; and if banging my head isn't enough, I think shooting myself on the head would completely do it. Hey, you whiney little prick, there are some people out there who are way miserable than you because they haven't found love BUT YOU, you have loved, you've been loved, and if you didnt take the longest time to be in loved, then who is it to blame? And those of you who are currently in a relationship, AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOMEONE--you should feel lucky that someone took the time to get to know you better and if you can't handle the ironic consequence that comes along with having a relationship, then ask yourself why in the world did you put yourself into that situation and drive off a cliff. Everyone will live happily ever after then, kapice?

Because of our career projects, I've gotten to know Mar's boyfriend, Bob-y, a little better. He's not too bad, in fact, i like his attitude and regardless how he dresses and what genre of music he listens to, he's smart. So i wouldn't get why Mar's wanna have a time away from him when he's fun to hang out with and actually gets my lame jokes. I would be fairly happy to have him following me around if we were couples, walking me to my classes and getting me lunch--he does that all the time to Mari while i dont see any problem with it, she thinks she needs her space and what nots. I jokingly told her that if she doesn't want him anymore, she should give it up and let Bob be mine. As always, she shrugged it off and smile at me. That's what i'm talking about here. My belief is that, if you got someone or something, you should be thankful and feel lucky that you do--although i myself don't do that all the time, I still, however, stand firmly on that belief.

Anyway, you know how everyone's getting accepted to their college choices and becoming so OHMYGOD ecstatic of the wonderful news and awards they're getting? Well, I'm soo sick of it now. I'm happy for them and actually willing to give out a cheer for such wonderful news but it makes me so cheap and low, I just wanna cry and blame myself for not doing as a good a job that my friends did. I had dream big during my 10th grade year; i told myself i'll get into UC Berkeley and take medicine but when i move into my 12th grade, I lost it and mess everything i have planned for myself. I don't let anything get to me most days but when i accidentally faced my reality and think of my future, I am scared I would be one of those people who gets up in the morning, wondering what have happened, and dreading the sole purpose of the morning, a walking zombie amidst a cheery thousands of people.

Thus, when cly_de and I was talking last night, I know i needed a Plan B, a C and possibly even a D. So my ego's gone, what's plan B? C? D? E?

Plan B: Enroll myself to a flying school and be a flight attendant. If i get hired, I would start writing something, a novel, a more professional opinion column online or to a newspaper. Of course, i'd still continue my art in hopes that my works will have its own gallery someday.

Plan C: Get a job this summer then enroll myself in a community college to get the basics over with (for 2 years). I would then, transfer to a four year college, UCSB, or a state university and major in something that will lead me to becoming a writer. Art would still be a hobby for me but hoping that it would get recognized in the future.

Plan D: Put myself in a lot of debt and go to an art school of my choice to be an Interior Designer or an Art director for a magazine. I could get financial help thru FAFSA.

Plan E: Starving artist. skip college. I'll self-teach myself about art and try to get accomodations to indie art galleries. I'll go sell my artworks in Venice Beach if i have to.

If neither of my plans work, I'll...move back to the Philippines and let my dad invest on me instead.

So which one should i do?

Labels: le amour, lets get personal

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Labels: boys like girls, long keekee memorials of what nots

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Labels: Photo-graph-y

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"Keeki! Your crush!" Cly_de informed me in a very loud "whisper". I abruptly snapped out of my drawn hearts and stars to my reality while i dumbfoundedly look towards my trig teacher's direction. Everything was still fuzzy and so i gave my eyes another shut, dramatically opened it and *screechhhh* BOOM *crash* *rarrrr* *meow?* there he was looking in my direction, I smiled at him, he did the same back as he flew away with all his shining glory, Anthony Something...Tony... Toneeee...Ahhh. I found my next potential "passed all the requirements" victim. I am going to do a vodoo abra cadabre magic on him until he fall into my very own hands and become my bed-"room" slave. [insert something evilly here]

Garrrrr. I'm single. Pls. dont mock me. I'm not very good about heart matters. Anthony is one of those eye candies (ONLY?): good for the eyes, can lick 'em imaginarily, but unlikely to be your mate. I seriously need to do something with my lame flirtatious skills though; while my smile can make cly_de or anyone smile back (like ahem Mr. tony this morning lol), it is not helping me find a potential someone who could carry my heavy grocery shopping bags, read me Shakespeare, clean my room? and whatever else that romanticism has to offer. Boo.

However, that is not the peak of my worries. I am def. worried I'll live alone with 12 sheeps in the future or that i'll be begging money from my used-to-be peers on the streets of LA or even worst, be the highlight of mockery, corrupted and turn even more physchotic. Fun.

Labels: crush, I have a dream, skeptical

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It is/was the never ending "discussion" art class. We all look forward to it: the daily food ration from Saraha, the flirtings that never gets old, the rhytmetic dance i do while out-tunely singing "That's the way aha aha i like it", the laughters, the judgemental comments from each other, until...TODAY. Mr. M turned into one of those gay ass old people who act like they were never young once, and now that given the power to scold us, do so with extremities, and yes, because i'm young (still), i think that any kind of authority towering over us, youngins, are soo uncool. Okay, maybe i'm being bias here because I was the one who get targeted; he spoke with great doom, with an evil laugh, he can actually pass as one of those terror teachers. But, can i just make myself clear that i really wasnt doing anything disrespectful? I mean yes, we were discussing (with enthusiasm too) how Saraha and I can be soul sisters, I, easily agreeing to her opinions and vice versa but REALLY not one within our side of the class, have spoken louder than him yet after 20 minutes of the period, he lost his cool, pulled his hair, sobbed interestingly then he was gone--okay, not really, he was just being a "teacher", perhaps, taking away an hour of liberating time and wanted us to do rapid sketches of naked people YUM!

I didnt have a problem with it. He rarely wanted us to listen to his lectures but his daily, pyschotic bipolared personality is getting just a bit scary (alot, trust me!). He can be uberly cool and joke around with us some days but most of the time though, he is a walking statue-unfriendly, although helpful and critical about our works, he is serious, you'll feel like you did something wrong if he calls out your name, wanting to talk to you. Everyone in my class is very insecure about him and agreed we should maybe learn self-defense, martial arts, or some kind of fighting stunts for that "one" day he completely lose his sanity and chop all our ears.

So, i think AP art 06-07 has some adjusting to doo--ooh. Maybe zipper up our mouths? Control our laughter? stop eatting cheese? Turn into robots? Drop out of that class? Behave like good students? We are artists; we dont know how to behave, we hate rules and regulations and as much as possible, we'd rather dance around, paint, draw and be all fookin gay and jolly, trying to achieve the ultimate self-expression in our daily lives so nope, no cant do. ;)


P.S. Arnel mentioned my blog is mess up in IE. Well, uhm yea, i dont wanna change my layout or anything right now so can you do me a favor and get yourself a firefox instead? kkthanks. My posts are too important that you dont wanna miss 'em. k. XOXO (ha watch out. my ego's surfacing again chea)

Labels: artiste, escuela

| Have i completely lost my mind? Yes my dearest foes, i have. For the first time in many years, I didn't have the urge to write; if i did have an urge of something, that is of drinking coffee and smelling paint fumes. I could claim i was a busy bee making some honey or I was practicing, instead in real life, laziness (to the nth power that is), here in the world wide web. Don't worry though, I think i have managed to topple the block and I am yet again back into proving myself egotistic maniac.

Not only that but also dumber now that i have literally drank and eat tons of coffee. I seriously went from hating the bean to vegging it every free time i got. If I'm bored, i scream COFFEE! If I'm under a lot of teenage stress, I beg down to my friends, kiss their tiny asses to give me moorreee coffee. AND If i just feel like drinking (which is likely many times a day) and I unfortunately didn't get my daily doses, i cranked up and turn into the Incredible Fook; I turn into a toasty brown humongous eyed monster in no time.

Thanks to my friends who are caffeine addicts, I am now a walking coffee whore myself. The moment Dnica let me had a taste of those chocolate covered espresso beans was like a moment of her trying to indulge me into some kind of illegal drug. Because right after i have devoured the mouth-watering pieces of what i now call anti-anxiety pills, I knew for certain i will stay in the dark side for many years to come. You know what i think scientists should do a research on? Anti-addiction of whatever. If there's a curing patch for smokings, there should also be different patches for Coffee, boys (and girls, ay?), INTERNET (Ha, will def. serve me right), chocolate, anorexia (for those who aren't able to stop gagging), etc addictions. I mean anything that's severely done on a daily basis even if its not a major effect on anyone's life should be il-legalize. Maybe "patches" are a bit silly on certain personality addictions, but either way, I think that if we wanna quit someone and or something, we all should be able to do so with only minor procedures--none with the bitching emotional traumas or psycho therapies (Yes, yes. if you hate your boyfriend/girlfriend/ would it be great to have a ready " I'm quitting him/her patch"? Tell me i am right so. :D)

I'm not saying i wanna quit caffeine, oh dear, not at all. It hasn't gotten to the point of my depleted brain cells (yet). And for this, i go back to what i always tell people, "Keep indulging, worry later!" Although it turns me into a store-jacking, "give me your money, fool" type of criminal (i mean person) if i didn't get my usual cups, Coffee is still LOVE. I actually have two right feet under caffeine probie, i can shake my booty and see humor behind my bitter reality and in fact, i am more patient of those wonderful, just awesome people i ironically dislike from time to time when (coffee) drunk.

So let us all be insomniacs, lets cheers to and with coffee, we will eat coffee with rice, we will unite like the children of god that we all are and eat raw coffee beans-- then when its to the point of unhealthiness, drop that coffee like its hot and move on to better and spankin things. Amen.

P.S.
Dang, Firefox is seriously correcting my spelling and words. wtfook?
and the book in the picture is THE SHIT. I'll talk about it some other time. I'll now go and make peace with other people.

Labels: addiction, Beany, coffee

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I still feel guilty. I didnt know what have happened to our relationship. He died mysteriously without even me knowing how or why. He was an awesome companion. He didn't say much but he was always there watching my every move--he was my own Big Brother. He failed to say much yet i knew for certain, he meant well watching me in his tiny world. He might've had asked for more attention though, as always, i failed to give it to him. I am owning up to his death; I admit it was my fault why he died but i do not think he'd rise from wherever he is now and come back. I wish to take a moment of silence and reminisce the wonderful memories I had with him *silence*

Labels: lets get personal, shall we?

I eat art, bitchy, and tomato omelet for breakfast. I do have a heart of gold even with my "I say it how it is" attitude. I'm above anything else, crazy: dramatist at times, witty funny and I am every personalities put together. I don't think I am stupid just because it takes me longer to figure or do things. In my free time, I tend to dance in my undies until i fall asleep half-naked. Other than those mentioned, there is nothing more special about me. If there is, it is yet undiscovered. So i came upon a goal: self-discovery or bust, babe.

&hearts music
&hearts art
&hearts writing
&hearts cooking
&hearts photography
&hearts food
&hearts cheese monkeys
&hearts coffee
&hearts hot hot heat
&hearts sunshine
&hearts interiors
&hearts books
&hearts pickle relish
&hearts cinnapretzel
&hearts floors
etc &hearts &hearts &hearts

Alan:Blasted Brains, Coy
Anne:Dysfunctionism.
Arnel:Lover Boy.
Aaron:Strange guy.
Avy:Anguished.
Bam:thegreat.
Catherine:Rawrness.
Carl:Tuesdays.
Dane:Oxymoron.
DC:Alter-ego.
Dhea:Mixed Emotions.
Dotep:Memory.
Elmo:Big bird!
Francess:Spunkified.
Gerome:Basketbolista.
Giselle:Soccer-ism.
Gracie:Pretty.
Henzel:Flyaway.
IT2M
Ituloy angSulong.
Jasmin:rockin.
Jham:summer.
LA:Artworks.
maryjuana:Life.
Mark:makeenetics.
Mark:Secrets.
Miselle:unpromiscuous.
Mishi: Korean jive
Pam:Vanity.
Reyn:Orange world.
Rina:peace&love
Tala:Sarcasm.
Teen Council default.
Tina:life's abundant.
UtakGago:writing genius
Xyla:nurcessist.

designer | kathleen(:
image&brushes | su-e
host | imageshack

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