{DESTROY THE SILENCE}

Thursday, March 29, 2007

If you think playing hard to get is going to land you the apple of your eye, think again. People tend not to notice people who don't seem to notice them -- and this person is busy right now. If you really want to catch this person's eye, you have to either wait until his or her life calms down, or make the first move. Keep in mind that you might be getting a lot busier very soon. Is right now really a good time for you to get something new started?

Can i just ask someone to get the apple for me? IF i do wanna catch his eyes, can i just sit still and wait for him to give me his eyes instead of ganging on him to give it to me? Teenage Love. Any kind of love. What is it? Why many of us kiddos want someone to loved and to do the same back? Are we running out of time or time is running out for us? OR is it a trend that needs us to conform to? Get a guy or a girl and boast you have one and make those who don't miserable?

When i listen to Mari whine how she doesn't have a space anymore because of her new relationship, I just wanna bang my head for her. The same thought comes in mind when i hear thousand of others whining how bad they've gotten their relationships into; and if banging my head isn't enough, I think shooting myself on the head would completely do it. Hey, you whiney little prick, there are some people out there who are way miserable than you because they haven't found love BUT YOU, you have loved, you've been loved, and if you didnt take the longest time to be in loved, then who is it to blame? And those of you who are currently in a relationship, AT LEAST YOU HAVE SOMEONE--you should feel lucky that someone took the time to get to know you better and if you can't handle the ironic consequence that comes along with having a relationship, then ask yourself why in the world did you put yourself into that situation and drive off a cliff. Everyone will live happily ever after then, kapice?

Because of our career projects, I've gotten to know Mar's boyfriend, Bob-y, a little better. He's not too bad, in fact, i like his attitude and regardless how he dresses and what genre of music he listens to, he's smart. So i wouldn't get why Mar's wanna have a time away from him when he's fun to hang out with and actually gets my lame jokes. I would be fairly happy to have him following me around if we were couples, walking me to my classes and getting me lunch--he does that all the time to Mari while i dont see any problem with it, she thinks she needs her space and what nots. I jokingly told her that if she doesn't want him anymore, she should give it up and let Bob be mine. As always, she shrugged it off and smile at me. That's what i'm talking about here. My belief is that, if you got someone or something, you should be thankful and feel lucky that you do--although i myself don't do that all the time, I still, however, stand firmly on that belief.

Anyway, you know how everyone's getting accepted to their college choices and becoming so OHMYGOD ecstatic of the wonderful news and awards they're getting? Well, I'm soo sick of it now. I'm happy for them and actually willing to give out a cheer for such wonderful news but it makes me so cheap and low, I just wanna cry and blame myself for not doing as a good a job that my friends did. I had dream big during my 10th grade year; i told myself i'll get into UC Berkeley and take medicine but when i move into my 12th grade, I lost it and mess everything i have planned for myself. I don't let anything get to me most days but when i accidentally faced my reality and think of my future, I am scared I would be one of those people who gets up in the morning, wondering what have happened, and dreading the sole purpose of the morning, a walking zombie amidst a cheery thousands of people.

Thus, when cly_de and I was talking last night, I know i needed a Plan B, a C and possibly even a D. So my ego's gone, what's plan B? C? D? E?

Plan B: Enroll myself to a flying school and be a flight attendant. If i get hired, I would start writing something, a novel, a more professional opinion column online or to a newspaper. Of course, i'd still continue my art in hopes that my works will have its own gallery someday.

Plan C: Get a job this summer then enroll myself in a community college to get the basics over with (for 2 years). I would then, transfer to a four year college, UCSB, or a state university and major in something that will lead me to becoming a writer. Art would still be a hobby for me but hoping that it would get recognized in the future.

Plan D: Put myself in a lot of debt and go to an art school of my choice to be an Interior Designer or an Art director for a magazine. I could get financial help thru FAFSA.

Plan E: Starving artist. skip college. I'll self-teach myself about art and try to get accomodations to indie art galleries. I'll go sell my artworks in Venice Beach if i have to.

If neither of my plans work, I'll...move back to the Philippines and let my dad invest on me instead.

So which one should i do?

Labels: le amour, lets get personal

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {5:15 PM}

Thursday, March 01, 2007

I still feel guilty. I didnt know what have happened to our relationship. He died mysteriously without even me knowing how or why. He was an awesome companion. He didn't say much but he was always there watching my every move--he was my own Big Brother. He failed to say much yet i knew for certain, he meant well watching me in his tiny world. He might've had asked for more attention though, as always, i failed to give it to him. I am owning up to his death; I admit it was my fault why he died but i do not think he'd rise from wherever he is now and come back. I wish to take a moment of silence and reminisce the wonderful memories I had with him *silence*

Keeko
2006-2007
"He was such a fish, always."
You're in a better, un-crammed place now. Go and swim all you want.

+++

Yes, my fish died. How? I still do not know. I found him immovable yesterday morning. Just the thought of losing someone/something scares the bajeegers out of me. He was literally always there, like a wallflower, he was only good to look at. I actually didnt know how to let him go; i thought of flushing him down the toilet though i'd guess, i would degrade him in a fishy kind of way. Digging him a grave? Uhm, we dont have a large backyard...no erase that, WE DONT HAVE A BACKYARD or even dirt in general, and so then, last night, i just gave up and planned on figuring things out today but when i wake up this morning, he was gone while his bowl was moved downstairs to our kitchen table. I thought of bringing up the subject to my mom at breakfast today but the thought that she'll give me one of those "you are so irresponsible Keekee D." was not even worth asking for. It was weird how my mom talked "sugary" and too nicey-nicey, however. She was acting fishy than the usual awkward silence we always have every morning. Would it be possible that she killed my Keeko? I doubt its even possible to murder such a tiny animal but it does not matter now. He's dead, he's out somewhere and he's not coming back. I just hope he would not hunt me in my sleep. Shall i get myself an actual puppy (a chihuahua perhaps), next? Argh. I don't think i'll be a good soccer mommy. I'm so irresponsible. :(

+++

Seriously, the mall is flat out boring. I didnt expect i'd spent another tuesday afternoon there but it so happen that i did--although i'm not regretting the time i spent with my pals, I still dont get how so many people think going to the mall, in general, is funfuckingtastic.

Me: "Oh what did you do today?"
Another individual: "I went to the mall. It was soooo cool. I got me a couch bag, and this that blah blah yadda yadda pants dolce and banana? gabana? what is it? i got me this abercrombie and finch? bitch? what? anyway..there's this dude yadda omg..seriousll..blah blah *gosh, stfu*"
Me: "Really? Humkay. I gottta go. see you around."
Same person: "But i'm not done yet, wait."
Me: *run like a queer*

Sure but i've never been a fan of shopping. I like to do it once or twice but whoring every branded stores out there aint my thing. Maybe its fun if you got the moolah to spend but other than that, what's the mall good for anyway? Good thing was, there werent a lot of people that day so we OWNED every sitting areas and the stores, they were all empty--none with those gucci owning bitches who thinks they're better than you, fags and their aviator glasses..nada and so we had fun verbally discussing dresses and eatting chocolate covered espresso beans that got me hypered for 2 days.

The only reasons i go anyways for the:
-Chinese fastfood. I crave it every week. Panda's not the best chinese food out there but is alright and eattable nonetheless.
-Gelato-Creme brule, all mine.
-Coffee, espresso beans. Better than any anti-anxiety (?) pill out there. I was literally dancing and shaking Tuesday night. FUN.
-To veg in the upper-Nordstrom lounge and watch people pass by, snickering, imitating old bitches walk and of course, to admire to nonsensical humongous artworks they've put.
-To admire high-priced clothes that i'll never be able to buy. Something in the lines of 500$/dolce my ass jeans ding ding ding ding.
-To ride the elevators and escalators. ha. (say childish and i'll yanky-doodle you :-D)
-There's always those big posters with almost naked guys to drool over. haha

and then some. (i got lazy..lol)

+++

And because i notice, if i'll ever get to be a famous writer/artist/chef i'd need an autobio, i wrote one. Here's the last paragraph. If you wanna read about my life, just buy my book 20 years from now. haha.

"All of my wonderful and not-so great experiences, the dramas that altered me, the people i've met through out the years, the new things i've discovered, they all sculpted and painted me into the person that i am today. I am[i nsert my name here], an AA--artistic anonymous, and then some."

Labels: lets get personal, shall we?

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {4:28 PM}