|
He liked my watercolor painting!!!! :-D lol and why does it matter? well it matters because it just does alright? lol he said its fantastically done and i should be happy with it yay! yes i am. its hard to tell huh? lol

well, imma say this again, STORIES, RANDOM BLABBERINGS WILL BE PUT OFF UNTIL im not lazy, busy, and plain unmotivated TO BROADCAST EVERYONE MY UNDYING OPINIONS ON NUMEROUS MATTERS. hahaha I still have a lot of things to tell but work consumes all the time i got, from teachers calling my house (dont bother asking its depressing lol) to the never-ending senior works, I MUST FOCUS while eatting apples during the wee hours of this week. Not gonna worry about homecoming no more cuz i could just tell, my mom is barely letting me go, or is she? hmm that is the question. :-P She's worried her ticket to better life is disappearing like a flimsy teeny bubble while she'll end up blaming her last daughter of throwing the education she is set for. I must "evaporate" (as cly call it), dress myself in a lame hippie costume i put together myself, be scary, creepy, bwahahaha, HAVE A FUCKIN HAPPY HALLOWEEN, sweets. May the devil of doom come get you tonight--Halloween can never get happier than that. ;-)





| Because there are too MANY things going around for next week, i decided to share it with you wonderful people my AGENDA; that way, i could set aside thinking about it for the time being.

Today, October 28-Was gonna go to a REACH tutoring (i failed another test) but when i woke up, its already 11:45 and all too late. The tutoring sessions is from 9-12, grrr. I'll work on it next saturday, hopefully. Then @ 2, im going to help out in a Halloween Program in the public library, probably work on my volunteer hours as well, then thinking of directly asking SAl if he wants to go with me in my school's homecoming (been thinking about through out this morning lol). If he doesnt wanna engage in my pathetic "date" night, i'll move on and ask Kevin instead. Why? I dunno, HE GOT A CAR! haha, im so superficial. Afterwards, have to go to Kinko's for my PASSPORT picture!! yay! lol Then go to the mall with bro for job hunting, shrugs. why do i have to go with him? :-( Yet again, i badly needed one so whatever. Oh, and i needed a dress for homecoming so i'll try to work on that with him. Maybe sweet-talk him or something. *evil laugh*

Whole week-School spirit week! I'll be wearing stuff. lol

October 30th-Skateland supposedly, but not going (and i think the school is cancelling it because not alot of students bought their ticket). Its a school night and my mom wouldnt let me go. Besides, i dunno how to skate, maybe i do but roller skating in Venice last summer was the awesomest experience that went badly wrong--my hips and butt hurt for a week. :-D

October 31st-Halloweeners!!!! X-) Im still planning on wearing a custome. what? I said pocahontas before but i dunno now. They only sell witch and cheerleader costumes. lol Dance at school, going. And yes, i'll go trick or treating with clyde's siblings or convince them to go with me. hahaha

Nov. 3rd-
*Homecoming-"wonders of the world- Yes im going, why should i not? lol so i better work on my "date" this week or else i'll end up going with tony & erika which is not bad but they're a couple, i dont have anyone, i'll be left alone while they "dance-grind" with each other. euch. Unless of course they're up for a threesome then i'm good with that hahaha im kidding.

Unlucky guys that i'll be asking or already asked (if going to homecoming):
Lance (not sure)
Cly (he said he's not going ha)
Nick E. (probably not)
Kevin (im looking forward for him to say yes lol)
Sal (gha im jittery i dont wanna ask him anymore... :-( lol)

But if all else fail, i'll ask my papi! lol no, kidding. It sucks that when i need a male specie to go do something with me, that's when they hide or go away from me. Is it my perfume? my face? damn it. No, i dont seem pathetic at all. hahaha

*After school. I'l probably go with my mom to pick-up my Aunt and Uncle from england at LAX or Flyaway, is it? I dunno. I've never seen her so would be interesting. They're staying for 3-4 days with us then going to Hawaii next, gha, lucky bums!

Nov 4th-I'm wishing for Sea world in San Diego. I've heard my mom talk about it with a friend before so they better take me or else, i dunno, i'll throw a tantrum like a small kid deprive of chocolate cake. lol

Nov 5th-i'll be sleeping. :-D





| Pfft, yes, i was only kidding when i said i'll give CP the tightest hug for his birthday; although hanging out with him and creating memories all this time would of done it, I think my bud deserves more than that. I didnt have time to hack something from my room and wrap it the day before yesterday so i went to school open-handed which did not only made me look the baddest bestfriend anyone could ever have, but ridiculous without anything for the boi i considered my "retarded". ;-)

My arms were all ready to reach him, to wrap around his skinny arms, when damn Eliz cutted in front of me and gave him a hug herself. Boo. I didnt continue my intentions, shrugs, and merely greeted him a very cheery birthday greeting. It was not like that was my only chance to do it; believe me, we see each other everyday and i could hug him every time if i want to. lol As always, we spent the day together, nothing special as we went to the Key Club meeting (Kyle b. is soo cute!!!!! lol) then voted for the homecoming whatevas afterwards with Sarah. I guess going to the mall and eatting gelato the day before made up for his birthday celebration although when his mom dropped me off, she asked if i wanted to come over after school to celebrate his birthday with them. I wasnt sure if CP could open up his family for me again just like what he did that Sunday night at the carnival so i said "If he would like to" to his mom. Not bad for a "keeping-it-cool" answer but really, I was eager to go, after all, how can i turned down such invitation from the nicest woman i've ever met?

Anyway, out of guilt and misery the night before, i decided to wrap him a tiny gift plus write an unrhymed poem kept inside a tiny box. (notice, tiny? lol) If you wanna hear what i said in my poem, cant. I might've deleted it for the stupidity of my lines *your ying, im yang, OMG ying-yang stuff doesnt really entertain many "intellectual people" i know and besides its no worth saving (or is it? hmm i just didnt wanna re-read the gay ideas behind it), believe me. ;-) I titled it Uhm-Ohm which i've notice right away how lame might it sound like although everything i said is precious friendship material. ha. When i gave him the box this morning, he didnt wanna open it right away. He afterwards agressively did when we got to cozy-sit in the library, faced lit up looking at the "gemstone" i bought him when i was at the aquarium...lol Its a green paper-weight shaped like shell and see-through like tinted glass. cool, eh?






|
Should i stop my slight-smirkings on public grounds? It is just sad how people thinks i'm smiling at them when i'm not--okay so maybe i do it for the hell of cheering those weary faces i see everyday at school or anywhere i go, but besides that, i just do it because im selfish: it actually exentuates (sp?) my fugly face features--the more i smile, the more my face gets better everyday. ha! ha!

Was passing by the computer lab last monday, when this guy randomly gave me a slightly-evil smirk back. Like i dunno, something in the lines of "Hmmm, she's smiling at me. must play with it" kind of smile. So im thinking that to prevent further damage on people who thinks i like them, i must stop with my quirky little smiles and work on my pouty face instead...you know, the gangsta look that everybody's pulling off this days. :-P euch. NO WAY.

I've notice that the more i smile, the more i pay it forward while people do the same back. Some of you might think that life is too retarded to even bother turning a frown upside-down but believe me when i say that a smile can create your problems 100th times lighter afterwards. I've never really been like this before although i've learned that ignoring seagul shits in your head once in a while, helps.

And what the hell, what is my own age group emoting for when other people got it worse than us? I've seen all these kids trying to commit suicide because their boyfriend/gf did this, mother did that, school is toughshit, the list of whinies goes on. Some never really get to end their "sad" lives thanks to cowardness but others actually have the guts to do so which is partly depressing and idiotic. If you've read Hamlet's soliloquy, To be or Not to be, the message is very negative but in the end, Hamlet logically understood that ending once life is cowardness thru life's problems as well as that not able to end one is cowardness as well.

So what must an individual do when he could not deal with one or the other?
S M I L E. Take some time to breathe the fuckin polluted garbage air, breathe in, breathe out, smile, and let your hair get flown everywhere by the strong fall wind. stop worrying; let people worry for you and wonder what the fuck happened why you look so happy. :-D






|
At long last, after many days of jail time hours with the decathlon kids, Clyde and I got to hang out for 4 straight hours in the freaking humongous mall that is now covering my view of the Sierra Hills. I've never really understood what's the sole purpose of such establishments; I know it is for shopping and all "that" (PDA, showy teh money) but other than that, is there anymore purpose to it? I think as time ages, as those dinosaurs from pre-historic era evolved into fossils, the main purpose of "a mall" actually evolved with them. There might have been a time when a mall is just a mall: bunch of stores where people only go buy necessary stuffs, none with those mumbo jumbos "Oh i should go to the mall, its where the cool kids hang out" "Oh mall is my own age habitation i should go to starbucks and sip coffee like an emo kid.." Boohoo. Teens my age tries too hard to change what a mall is; yes its fun to shop and waste money on those graphic shirts (that i am currently drooling over, gha have i told you i need a job? lol) but other than that, mall is just a mall. I hate it when people thinks a person is cool because he goes to the mall everyday or hangs out there, with his/her possy, wasting his/her richie rich's parents money. How noble! :-\ Or of that going to theme parks are the L I F E and the shit purpose of a driven one. Hmm. Oh yes, im being bitter as always. Uh nope.
here we go:
I dont get why the basis of being a part of the kewlest teenagers is smoking weed, partying until you get pregnant or you laid somebody and now having a baby, going to theme parks like theres no tomorrow, giving all you have for that one guy/girl who you think is the one (oh baby! oh baby! get a room), and that going to the "mall" shows how fashion and social forward you are. Oh puhlease.

1. Smoking weed or doing any kind of drugs might soothe the stress you've been getting from your family, love & social life lately but does it help you in the long run? Sure. You might not feel the effects as early as of now but later on, you'll not only regret it but also wishes that you could of treated those problems lightly. Dont be hard on yourself. Stay drug-free and pig out on chocolate bars instead. (keep in moderation, however. and no you cant smoke chocolate bars, damnit)

2. Partying. OHEMGHAD, Mr. popular is throwing up a party saturday night and you, the person who you think is the most geekiest must do everything to get in. Its very stereotypical (I know) but it does happen in the real world (i didnt mean MTV's)... Teenagers with the lowest self-esteem thinks that by getting into one, of the popular kids kegs, will do their name justice, will boost their shitty ego up up and away. Oh freakin well it does not. You only have to be true to yourself and not have to abide the teenager code of self-proclaimed coolness. Does it matter what party you went to 20 years from now? Try to make long-lasting friendships; it doesnt matter if you only have Jose all this time, what matters is that you made a great connection with him and that could last forever. So stop ranting how unfair Mr. popular didnt invite you. if your that affected then throw another party yourself. Just lose the alcoholic drinks and the orgy porgies...tea & cutter cookies will substitute it, trust me. :-D

3. Theme parks is fun in moderation, the round and round thing on the roller coaster, the freakin ride faster than a bullet but then again it makes you sick, gag, and birdies circling your head like that of cartoon shows. Is it such a surprise that i havent gone to every theme parks there is in california? I dont think so, and besides i dont find them fun at all...first the long lines are unbearable and second, im too much of a sissy to try the bullet in magic mountain or the [insert whatever scary ride's name] in [insert theme park's name]. It just pisses me off how people often thinks that your unsocialize if you havent gone to all of the theme parks, or if not all any. To give myself justice, i find parks more interesting than themed ones. I find the slum, graffitis on the wall interesting than themed parks. I find sight-seeing in downtown LA's structural buildings more interesting than riding a roller coaster. I seem to enjoy art museums than themed parks. I find hanging out in fairs funner than themed parks. I find dancing in where-ever funner than themed parks. You get the scenario. Im more into the 'intellectual' side of things, less thrilling for most of you i know (am i a bore now? boo you) BUT funner for me nonetheless.

4. He/she's not the one; if you feel like strangling him/her most of the time then most likely he/she's not. The one is the one, no other, you know? It sickens me how most of the people surrounding me is either in love or thinking of getting in-love of some sort, listening to ballad love songs, watching love-dovey movies, OH MY GOD. And worst, displaying public affection in front of me as if any minute i would shout CUT! and the scene is done. What do you want me to do my fellow earthlings? shoot you a movie? *roll eyes* my cam is only capable of 15 minutes movie and by the look of it, of Audri's and he's "handsome" bf's sexuality this morning, it would last like 2 hours of a fun-field saliva exchanging. It made me quiver and oh so sad (yeah right!) that i am now in the last race of my teenage career, im so unlove i dont have anyone to exchange some saliva with, oh what to do? what to do? I know! LAUGH. lol poor misguided souls.

Lets change things around here. Lets make sure that the definition of kewlness must not end on those above mentions alone but with the addition of the arts, writing poetry, photography, horse riding, volunteering, making music... anything that is active in the mind and physically must be acknowledged not as being a bore but also a sense of well-roundedness aka cool to the freakin 100th power. Im done sitting here,watching those posers set the rules for how a teenager should act (one must act by their own decisions not by some kind of stupid definition); partying, smoking weed, might be L I F E to most of teenagers but believe me, there are simple things out there that greatly defines L I F E more than it does by the normalcy of being a teenager.

ha i dont care if im lame, i atleast still have uhmm....cookies, yea cookies. lol






| We walked through the flooded streets of Vanowen and North Hollywood, crossed another street and directly went to the second bus stop we were at that day. I felt like eatting some kind of chocolate bar so I dragged tencha profusely on the 7/11 store behind the stop. I scarcely had any money and was disappointed that my dollar would not get me anything but taxes of everthing there were: 63cents? Wow, those Middle eastern guys must make a lot of money.

In my best pouty face, we went back beside the african-american dude eatting black eyed peas, smelly, weary. As the afternoon sun hit our faces, we waitied patiently for the bus when suddenly, this man on his 40s with white paint all over his work clothes joined us in the waiting. He asked Tencha what the time was in spanish and gotten an answer 8 minutes later. Tencha was apparently having a hard time figuring her watch...its hard to tell what comes after the 4...4 and what minutes? you know, mechanical watches are always hard to figure out. He was pretty much quite after that but then out of nowhere, he told tencha "is this your friend? She's pretty." Right... First of all i am very easy to talk to. Second, no im not her friend. I just happened to be in North Hollywood waiting for the bus to go to LA or somewhere when i could of easily waited around my place. Ugh. Did i look "that" asian that he thought i didnt understand english? Anyway, Tencha said yes, and I thanked him for the common courtesy of being nice, really. Mr. drunk (yes he was drunk, he couldnt tell what was pleasing or not) then asked if Im cambodian and unfortunately, and i suckily said no that im a filipino which then caused the hombre to talk continiously about how he liked my country, the ever-famous boxing champion, Pacqiua, and even the history; he absolutely know a lot, why is that? I dunno, he said he liked it as i was nodding abundantly with matching "hmmm"s, I merely didnt know what to say. Afterwards, he kept slap-happy laughing and did the most random thing, he kissed me! eeew no, and even if so, its not like i would enjoy it from a bum like him (and probably child abuse lol). He aimlessly took my right hand and kissed it; i might have not heard what he was asking me earlier so i nod. I learned later on, from tencha herself who didnt even save me from a grossly time of life that he asked if he could kiss my hand. Gha. I was in complete happiness when the bus came--the moment was that fairytale like, i just wanted to get away from it. IT WAS SCARY.

And when i thought the freaky moment of the day ended there, another guy from the bus noticed my existence *pls dont say anything pls*. Well, he didnt say anything right away until the old man that he was talking to got off the bus and then was fixated at me (am i flattering myself? no. ghad). I probably had that happy little smirk in my face again because he said "I've seen alot of beautiful girls in california but i've never seen someone who is happy like you..." Not bad for a pick up line (altho i wasnt any picker upper =P) and you know what i said? "Oooh..." Yes, lame, i could of said, oh sure you havent, you freak-in liar. ha. He bid me "take care" after he got off the bus. Awww, when am i gonna see this blue-eyed muffin again? lol I thought he was good looking but when such guys tries to hit or compliment me on the streets of Los angeles, i just cant help but hide myfragileself.

Analysis: Is it gonna be like that from now on? I dont like attention that much and even more dreaded it when it comes to people on the fuckin ghetto (or not) streets. Hmm, although making a job from it (like ahem, the corner. I'll probably be Alabama lol) would get me somewhere and help me save money, the disrespectfulness and agressiveness of "charming" dudes is unbearable (and would not afford me cuz shit! im expensive lol) . And what do these people see in me? I mean come on! If i'll be in a Beauty and the Beast play, i'll be pick as the beast. In cinderella, i'll be one of the evil ulgy step-sisters and in snow white, the witch queen, get the picture? I think these people are drunk and high that they couldnt separate the attractiveful to the attractiveless. I must put a grocery bag on me. Hmm, yes, that would help.






|
Date with the Phuney Family + me.

Cly invited me to join them for some sunday night fun at Pierce College carnival--it sounded tasteful so as always, i agreed to go. Ironically, i was welcomed right away, with his little sisters clinging on me and benj who had asked me to hold his hand every minute or so. If it was another family, i would of not adjusted right away. However, its only a big advantage for my part as to i've pretty much known some of his siblings as long as i've known him. Anyway, the time spent with all of them was PRICELESS, altho the absurbity of the fees for anything inside the carnival were lame and killed all the anticipated fun inside the car on our way for some "cheap" thrill.



Adorables. Benj & Edelma.

Cly's dad managed to buy us some corn maze adventure tickets disregarding how huge it would leave a hole in his pocket (what a great dad! lol), however. We were looking forward to chainsaw guys running after us, boo-ing us between clumps of corns, but mr. Phuney bought the wrong ticket instead of the "hidden creature" one--we had fun nonetheless, or cly and i did cuz we separated from the parental and siblings in the middle of nowhere and merely started screaming for fun. :-D He even tried to scare the hell out of me although i was eatting an apple then, that helped me not to throw up or lose my breathing. It was confusing and i felt closethrophobic, kid you not. or was it only a fear of the unseen? yea, probably. hehe


the creepy bros.

Afterwards, we ended up whoring a big popcorn bag, watching kids on the rides, and even looking at some decorative gourds (ha, more like perverted). Cly and i bought us some "pimply" looking ones, what were we thinking? We were not thinking! lol It was pun intended but it turned out that the gourds we bought are nature's work of art. ;-)


for sale! anyone?


Anyway, they didnt took me home right away after that. Benj begged for me to stay on the laundry coin they were at, so i stayed playing "catch the airplane or lose" with him. It was so much fun to see how a very simple game like it made the kid all giggley and happy. Ah, feel good inc. I can do this any time, any day, yo.


benj all sad. awww. :-)

The grateful one.

| I need: motivation. Inspiration (Keeko the fish is not doing a good job). dinner and breakfast. my sanity back. a break. soma, for a never-ending happiness. escape from reality. someone i can pour my whinies and will never budge off. uncaffeinated coffee. toblerone. love. hugs. peace of mind. NEW FRIENDS. time. a vacation. my driver's license. a job. to feed keeko (been starving for 4 days). to clean my room. to be a better friend (Lihn called me yesterday cuz she missed talking to me but i shunned her off by telling her i need to go to sleep (at 8:20?) because i wasnt feeling too good. true i was not and slept until 5 this morning when reality checked, still not done with my history and english homework). a therapeutic shower. hearty breakfast. myself back.






| Audri, this asian chick was channeling me through her witchy eyes, like wth, what did i ever do to her to deserve such mean look? Is it bad to laugh? Is it a sin to talk to yessika? Uhm, no, i dont think so Miss stop looking at me like i've done something to you. I wasnt even seducing, sexually harassing her boyfriend nor was i minding her business, i was checking the time, not her and why would i check her? If you were checking me, then fine, i tell you im the most ugliest asian ever and hail you ms. pretty face, your better than me, and do i care? no. You have the thickest make-up in the history of CP high so you must be secure of yourself and pls. stop with the look, I DIDNT DO ANYTHING. :-)

Erika and I were pretty pumped up to get failes in our last math quizzes as if its something to be proud of. We were hugging and high fiving each other when we found out that we both got fails. yes, another ironic thing about friendship. Nothing with those encouraging mumbo jumbos anymore, ha! its like we're in it together...weird but i like. Whatever happened to the smart us? Are we on our lowest game possible? yea, we're still at it though. ;-)

Aw man, Kev's still "attach" to me, why oh why? For the third time around, he gave me a super tight hug behind and of course, i thought it was some other dude lol. Its weird that when i thought he hates me already, that's when things starts coming up again. he starts talking to me, and like he even thinks i'll have the 3rd famous painting in the future. ha. good to know i still have my art fans. :-)

I've always pretty creeped out to talk to Sarah before but spending all this art time with her changed my view forever. She's not bad, better yet, i found out we have the same characteristics together. She might look peculiar with the way she dresses but only the lame people would think that she's weird. I accept diversity in friends, i dont stick to my own race but try to get to know new interesting people and that's when Sarah, Liz, josh and some others comes to the picture. She introduced me to the leaning tree of pitcha just today, had fun drawing doe ears on jeff's campaign flyers, I dunno, i feel like myself around her. So when you see somebody that the average people might think is weird, approach them, you never know what you'll found out with this person. as the saying goes, "dont judge the book by its cover but by what's inside it". Personality counts. :-D

Isabel merely apologized to me monday morning. for what? I dunno exactly but she said for not hanging out with me more than we use to lately and she cares because im a cool chick and fun to hang out to. Yes, i feel the L O V E. It was unexpected because i thought that was it, that our friendship ended last year but noo the awesome chick still remembers me. I -laugh- her. :-)





| Okay, fine, i must comply to her wishes now... You see folks, my tummy is revolting on me since thursday morning i think. I was in english, doing what i usually do, sit around, act as if im doing work but im crazily doodling random lines in my paper, when my energy suddenly drained off, both of my arms are numb and a bit dizzied out. Although i ate breakfast that morning, i still felt hungry and unenergized. I then decided to put a dollar on one of the vending machines in hopes that a bottle of gatorade would do the trick. Just like any other unfortunate events of mine, it didnt give me what i asked for back. Yes, another dollar wasted, damnit. I detest kicking it cuz after all, immovable things HAVE FEELINGS TOO (they dont show it often). lol Anyway, i composed my posture, probably with a burning face, and walked away. I went thru 4th with that annoying sound in my stomach, begging for food.. *growls...contraction...*, people in my class never fail to miss it. ha HA.

Since then, im undergoing headache as if someone hit me with a big cemented block. I get hungry for every 3 hours or so, and yep, my stomach's strained as well. I think its time for me to watch my eatting habits, and no people, i dont do it on purpose. I eat a lot but i get hungry sometimes that i cant always get food while in class or at home. Im scared i already have ulcer or something with that note. I dont wanna get operated like one of my sisters was when she was at the same age as me. So as early as of now, i should eat more while complying on my hunger often and of course, I must wake up earlier than usual to be able to eat breakfast. I hope its not too late; i hope it hasnt done any major damage yet. :-
Pls. remember me when im in purgatory. (im not most likely to go to heaven or hell..in between's probably the right spot for me) If i stop blogging, then you know i already died or in the hospital asking for god to give me another chance to eat, live and whine. You can also send me flowers and cards for cheering up, or a group of perky cheerleaders for mockery. :-D Until then, i'll probably here, eatting fish shaped cheese crackers.

My fortune cookie says:

You are one of those people who will suffer terribly. Bless your soul child. coughcoughkarmacoughcough.

then with the weird numbers for lotto, gambling, i dunno: 08 10 21 31 36 44.

(I never understood what they're for)





| Photos:




Good Morning, LA. The sun was still emerging itself from darkness.




It looks like rain.




drainage.toilet.giant.pole.dance.dance.




ignore the metro bus. how did they build this thing? its huge.






|
Thoughts.

Art really do keeps me tack most of the time. That was what i needed, my teacher to acknowledged the effort i have put behind one of my works and now simply ready to do some more. I'm inspired by average people, I wanna write a poem, a novel, make a name for myself, its one of those nights where my head is just way above the clouds and none could tackle me down. I put more effort to my last abstract self-portrait and achieved my teacher's trust that i have been longing for since this year. I may still be crippled but i think i'm recovering little by little.




| Private Keeki. I'll own one someday, you watch. (or not) lol Its one of my crappy shots, but the plane is "sexy" by itself without the right angle whatsoever. hehe.


Agenda for October.
Tomorrow-Poetry club (i'll write you lovers love verses :-) )
13th-Interview in INS for my citizenship
18th -mystery trip for the seniors
21th-Knots scary with the peeps
30th-Skateland @ northridge (senior event im going with Erika & yessika)





| Im now our living room's only habitant, i've been eating there, doing my homeworks, lazing around trying to get away from the computer and my fish who is just so cuchi cuchi cute, i just wanna suffocate him. ha. You know what i think? I think i can actually live alone in an apartment by myself. I might need to get a job and a car, but overall i think i know how to feed myself, know to fry things, open up canned goods, although bills would be a little smacky hard on me. I've been alone for almost two years every night and it might had been hard the first couple of months although it feels like im merely living alone (while family "works-hard" to feed me bwahaha) with a dying Keeko to mourn about afterwards--and oh yeah I LIKE IT LIKE THAT. I feel free without my mom's constant nagging and big bro's annoyances...too bad i cant be emancipated because well they dont batter me or treat me badly enough to call the social services. They only ignore the living hell out of me which is not really bad or good because im completely use to it now.

Hmmm, you should try hot coffee plus toblerone chocolate together, its like being in heaven without Jesus trying to deprive you of eating all of 'em triangular chocolate bar. Damn, i want an aura like of jesus...oh nope, josh wants that...he even thought i looked like a clown on my "abstract" self-potrait. Still needs alot of work so im trying to comply on what my mentor wishes me to do about it. Im not gonna whine anymore, man. Im done and so i think instead of feeling bummed out, why not do better you know? That's what im trying to do, just do the fuckin work like it would hurt me if i do, anyway. Unfortunately, seaguls are still pooping on me...FFFFFF on my report card equates no better than seagul poops. eauch. Save me, will you? ANd no, i dont appreciate anyone calling me a loser just bcuz i'm failing school right now. Im more into encouragements, hugs, kisses, shoes, 5 dollars per fail, you know, those kind of things. ;-) After all, failure is not bad, can i get a hell yeah? say it.

Why is that german dude giving me looks? not bad looks, like glimpses, walking behind me, it creeps me out. (right! more like a tinge of blushy blushy here and there...corny!) I dunno, i was walking with clyde, passing by that cheerleaders/jocks/self-proclaimed cool people hang out place and he was there talking to Melissa when he just give me this glance as if im someone who deserves checking out. Hmmmm he looks like derrick, not a good sign. and he curses funny.. freakin americans teaching him bad words, tisk tisk.






| Didnt i just say im on hiatus my last entry? Sheeshus. what's wrong with me? lol well yea but i dont think i'll be deleting my myspace. people hardly use my contact adresses to talk to me bcuz its not "cool" so let them comment everyday kinda. :-D

anyway i have to give my art peeps their erasers back. ive been taking them one by one lol Im half-way done with my abstract self-portrait and hoping my art teacher would appreciate my effort this time... I didnt get to drive, unfortunately. Damn DMV hasnt given me my permit yet so i have to walk a mile to consult them tomorrow. Its not like my mom would willingly give me one, she'd been whining alot lately. Im just so sick of her constant nagging and whining about how she gets home and find dishes on the kitchen, bills, this that, AWWWGH. A lot of people think she's nice and all but try to actually live with the woman, and you'll see what im talking bout. Not good.

So yea thats it. i have to watch the half part of cast away cuz i didnt get to watch it yesterday. Oh and hopefully this week will be better. A goodnight sleep, and a good morning wake must do the trick. Goodnight.





| What? I have boylets (boy outlets) now? To answer, NO I DONT HAVE ANY BUBBLE HEAD GUY COLLECTIONS. Just guys who for some reason tries to sticks up for me, gives me advices, gossips with me and even tell me AS IS. When i thought i'm all forgetten and rotten, that's when these 'dudes' would randomly start up a conversation with me. Its no big deal because i've only known most of them (noelo schramm roy) for about 6 months or less and it just warms my heart and makes me all giddy inside when they notice im not school, they ask me how i am and even more random blabberings, teachers bashings, my fish etc.

Who are these guys and why i already like them? Stay and you might find out.

1. Clyde. He is very much selfish in a joking manner. If we talk in the phone and asks if he could call back in 2 minutes (wth?), he wanted me to dial back his number, not him calling me up. He wouldnt let me go eat because he still wanted to talk, he understands what im going through in my family, how he thinks i should dial 1-800-runaway because I should not be experiencing terrible things as young as 17. He might mess around with me alot, but deep that clown mask of his is a good heart, ready to keep me company when i fuck up. We're so much alike in so many random ways. We like to dance, eat chicken tostadas, and somehow resembles each other faces as well--he doesnt have a large lip tho. ;-)

2. Schram~. Asking him if he used steroids did the trick for this guy. I've never seen his funny side because when he was still sitting right in front of Mr. mac's gayass class in hoped to achieve a kissyupper grade, he was a serious sonofaschramm. We could of been great buddies although fate is terrible and moved him away to cleveland high. My gossips interests him, he's constantly interested on what i have to say, my stories, and of course whats happening in canoga. Its not much on whether he likes me back or not; I like him for the fact that he seems interested in me, basically. Most days, we just talk on whatever bugs us, and I like that, were kinda like building a friendship per se. I just hope it would last long enough, like 90 years... :-) lol

3. Noeloo. He's a very awesome guy. I barely know him but it seems that we're almost bonding like we've known each other for years. We hit it up the first day of this school year when I wrote something on his drawing board "I hate you", in pen. :-D I dunno, i have a tendency to playingly hate people and their freakin coolie drawings so thats what i did and he just started laughing out loud. So i did too and one thing you know we were just fuckin laughing. lol Anyway, he gave me a pretty good advice yesterday:

"you party, to hardy, relax a bit. if i can last a day I know you can to, so quit it before you get to far behind in art & everythin else, you have talent, so dont let it go to waste on laziness!"

True that! gha. The thing that bothers me the most is that i cant help myself without consulting all of my friends first. I seek advices to other people like i dont have my own mind to fix my problems myself. Its very dependent of me to do that, and i always think that maybe just maybe people are already starting to get fed up. Oooh here's his last message: (lol)

"well your welcome, wo"man". now i need my beauty sleep, i'd tell you to go to bed, but i dont think you need to be anymore beautiful, so good nite & adios until i see ya again "

I was like "awwww"-ing too. :-) lol I should of known. Its simple but it got me smiling. hahahaha.

4. Jim. (last but never the least) lol My list wouldnt be complete without him. He's the awesomest but can be snobby sometimes lol Its hard to imagine how we have gone so much closer over the summer. *speechless* Uhmmm, he got cool rides definitely and the coolest job too. I dunno what else to say, he's that great--the great jimmy! :-D







| Yay! Like the actual chonchi in human form came to visit us. She was late as usual so she wasnt able to see me at school in action. When i was already home, i got a call from her that she was already in front of my school. I headed back out, way tired, and gave her a suffocating hug afterwards. lol We planned on making fun of lovers at the movies although yvette tagged along and went to the mall decidingly made fun of the habitants there instead. :-)

I had me some of my weekly fattening (almost), Tommie's fries, yo & of course it wouldnt be complete without strawberry julius. (I should go to the mall more often...there are way too many hot guys i would regret of not drooling over if i dont..ha!)


(Yvette and chonchi giving me a :-D it turned out really good. I lurve the vibrant colors.)

After devouring fat-food we headed in to the new mall extension. We thought there was a third floor so we got upstairs only to find out parking spaces.


A shot of the window pane.

We went back where we were and just started walking our way through tar-jet baby! Here's a crappy video i took:




Did you see the guy who offered to do chonchi's hair? he's cute. stare closely. lol I wasnt shock when he me told he is of european decent. :-) hot. gha. So i was like starting to get bored watching him right? so i went to the DISCOVERY CHANNEL STORE. lol They have a store. :-3

Ooh and check it out, even shakespeare got his own slot:





After failing to convince the cute kid eatting french fries nearby to capture his photo, i went back to the dude again who was still blabbing, and convincing my amigos to buy his product. He offered to give them another preview by using my hippie hair! (*blushes* lol) He managed to curl it once but couldnt straighten it afterwards. lol

And darn it! i didnt get to ride the merry-go-around because well, i was too big. (im only 5'2 man) So i captured the childhood moment instead:

we managed to get to our destination Tar-jet! oh yeah!! and guess what i saw? A whole fuckin aisle of generic chocolate baggies. argh argh argh. I wanna buy some twix though i have this body issue right now... so not fair! *Just drool over my computer, hehe.




Oh, "birds of the same feathers, flocks together"

The mall personnels got themselves some traffic enforcers. Try driving up to Owensmouth i think and you'll see crowds of cars lining up in the entrance. It was so fun watching the lady shout at them drivers. *evil laugh*

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {6:49 PM}

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Thursday, October 05, 2006

Oh my Fucking Ghad. Another enlightening night of self-video taken by my partner in crime cacaclyde. I notice i roll my eyes a lot..like seriously a lot. Man, im just too sorry for the people who thought i was rolling my eyes at them. Im not doing that, looking up is my way of thinking & def. no conceitedness, preppiness, or being girly intended. I dunno, i barely saw the video clyde took of me just this morning and man oh man, i not only roll my eyes like every seconds but also fucking tard looking--way way way hideous, my camera broke. :-\ and the funny thing is im just laughing about it. so funny-looking! i can be in a horror movie or something. (wow) And to think im just average looking and found out that im the worsiest looking person alive? very enlightening indeed. I will now try to make eye-contacts. *roll eyes* lol

what do you think? I dont want my relatives, friends, lying to me anymore. Im sick of them saying "your pretty" blah blah...I knew it all along!!!!!!!!!! shoot me, pls do, or suffer looking at my face... A HA! im pathetic am i? yea okay, i'll get back to my work now. im just thankful i found this sooner before i go on to being a flight attendant or model at a petite agency like what Juls said. gha.

My list of "im not's":
Im not artistic.
Im not smart.
Im not alluring.
Im just not anything.

the joy of growing up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 dlkfaldhfasd;fhasdl;fjasdfl;asjdfl;asdfjasd.


-no more i say no more.
keeki.

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {8:41 PM}

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Wednesday, October 04, 2006

I can already feel the fall's cold weather which aint good for a tropy kid like me. I need sunshine, no winter yet. argh. I took this depression test and it says the season affects how i act. Oh cool, just freakin damnit, cool. :-) So i was like freezing cold, like shaking cold, really cold..you get the picture and Roy offered his jacket..awwwwww, yea yea. He's such a gentleman, seriously. Too bad Liz and him broke up already. I believe i wanna go to their marriage 20 years from now, uhuh. Although high school "lusts" never last that long..well most of the time it doesnt. Because kids are shallows..theyre in it for the popularity contest. But yea, truly a guy for keep. He's intellectual and funny one too... a complete package BUT he doesnt like showing intimacy in public. lol He's for sale only 10000000000000000000000$ reply if you wanna try his grrrr. lol x_____x (hopefully hes not gonna come by here and read this hahaha)

Uhm yea, Nick and i suddenly talk since the incident 10th grade year. It wasnt official talking, we had a discussion about the book hardball (i finished it! thankyouberimuch) but that was it. We didnt talk about how i used to crush on him, how he used to ignore me, it was like really, school related and pretty much we're cool with one another being around each other a lot this days. I dont even know why i had a crush on him...well he's tall and "white" eh. like it matters now... lmao I guess he sticked with his conviction that high school "love" are mainly for the "hecka" bored... :-)

So, homecoming is next month and im thinking of building a friendly relationship with Salvador. By that, he might say yes when i ask him to go with me during that event. :-) Im sick of people asking me "who are you going with?" and answering them "I dunno yet (translates to no one in particular, maybe some friends)" lol though i cant visit the library tomorrow and i still have my pimples, i might go on friday and just started scaring him out. *evil laugh* *more evil laugh* *and even more..* can you say, you so corny? lol


-will be having a goodnight sleep
keeki

P.S.
Its free hug week. I was inspired by that free hug video so you'll see me just giving people hugs. I say keep it hippie. peace.love.happiness. mmm. :-)

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {9:57 PM}

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No, im not turning into a monster yet but im getting there... its just three humongous pimples from my three day weekend, that might leave THREE scars in my unpleasant face if my mom doesn't buy me some Oxy acne treatment today (and i still have that wasted look in my face). lol I've been waking up rather late, going to school late, and looking later than ever. Why? well, lets say, im just like any teenager growing head by head in their face, trying to be cool going to school late, looking their worse everyday of the week. Triple hot hot hot. :-)

I actually have been pretty stressed out with my art class. I just found out that all this time, all this years of believing i have a talent, that i can pursue a career related to art, were all deceptions. I saw my past grades from my past artworks and i only got 2s &3s rather than 5s & 6s (2 is like the lowest grade you can get). AND, not even any good remarks to go along with that. They still have the "Needs alot of work", "Too light", "you did too much", blah blah blah blah blah whatthefreakinelse coming out of Mr. M's mouth. I'm less & less motivated everyday, im frustrated that my efforts didnt pay enough for me to start a better semester. His criticisms maybe right, that I, the person who have been taking art classes for almost 3 years now hasnt learned anything YET although just like everybody else (in that class), IM STILL A NOVICE. He didnt become an art mentor for nothing. He suppose to encourage my dying connection to art, not destroy it forever.

So, just like always, i thought of dropping that class. I wasnt suppose to have art...but he asked me first and foremost to take it during the AP program last year. I took it because it wasnt like everyday i got asked in for that. It was all a mistake, taking it, changing my 5th just to be able to take it, everything has been a mistake. My confidence towards my works are not there anymore. I think something happened all this years that nobody told me the truth about my artworks. People had been lying to me and instilling a big deception in my brain... Im just thankful the enlightenment happened soon enough to save me from having a bigger ego.

Im now deciding to drop art and seek another talent somewhere else. Cooking? yea, probably...


officially a frustrated artist,
keekee

P.S. My fish name is *drum rolls* keeko! <3

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {3:33 PM}

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Monday, October 02, 2006

Why is the sight of veggie patties gross me out? Im such an ignoramus vegetarian lemme tell you that. Now that im eatting meat again, my mom go on buying veggie patties at costco. They either got my back or being sarcastic by buying a whole pack of those gross-looking patties. Anyway, i've been helluva busy the past two days. I was acquianted by Hardball of Chris Matthews, government book (im re-reading the constitution part, my brain hasnt receive the infos yet), physics physcho problems, and another persuasive essay for english which all & all took me a day and something hours. And as always, I hate them...I'd rather hang out with humans than books & essays..grrr. The social life that i thought i wouldnt request for back the past 3 weeks is still in the plastic cabinet besides my other to-do lists. I freakin miss it, i want it back...life had been really uninteresting lately with only art & photography keeping me intact. Like i said, work has officially took over a part of my life, i can slack off although i chooses not to for now. Im just waiting for colleges to re-evaluate my grades the past 3 years and THIS SEMESTER and hopes UC santa barbara, CSUN, Art Institute Sta. Monica, and whoever to take me in their university wing. My grades last year doesnt fit in my school record, i mean all A's 9th & 10th grade,11th came and it just ruined the perfect student picture i WAS AIMING FOR. Thus, I need this semester to redeem myself. I try although the effort my teachers look for aint there yet, NOT YET. Give me more time...more time..time... :-\ im a failure, woot?

The blue fish downstairs got owned, by me of course. lol My mom let me have it upstairs in my cramped room, i just hoped it wont die with the lack of ventelation and loud music once in a while..okay everyday, sheesh. lol Still workin on the interior of his bowl and he seems sad so i put Jose beside him. :-) I just feel bad i deprived him of "fish-sex" with Josie. haha. My dillema: what should i name him? I mean "Pedro" is wack, and unbearable anymore. I need a cute, "manly" name. Im putting: Orbep, Lyco, Sisco into consideration although any of the three doesnt sound appealing enough. Any suggestions? I'll love you? ;-)

So this dude from myspace sent me his picture. He's 44 yrs old and looks like a child abuser. eer. im scared, he might abuse my myspace. Eh. There's the online police to jail him in a cyber jail, have fun with cyber exconvicts. haha. But def. no more internet for me. Im done! just blogger. lol

And then IM FAT. I was eatting chicharon that has like 8% fat per every serving (one piece). Unfortunately, it was too irresistable and lead me to eat the whole freakin bag. My face is bloated (im serious) and i grew another head in my face over time. Oh the joy!! >=) Would you still like me when im old, wrinkly, stinky and fat? You must! I'll do the same. lol



I want a tiki house in Tuscany,
-keekee

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {9:51 PM}

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Sunday, October 01, 2006

It feels like your losing the people you like when you think you have them all under a safe place. You might share the same sentiments but there are moments when those sentiments are doubtful to all of you. I have so many questions running 45m/h in my mind right now. Questions like: Would i still be friends with them 20 years from now? How does he feel about me? Is it only a friendship thing or is there more to it? Have i sinned by doing this, that etc? What's e=mc^2? You might think i dont have anything in mind, I dont think at all, I dont wander about these kind of things but believe me when say, i am always stockpiled with questions.. Im scared im only a temperary fling..or have i been all this time and never notice it? Im scared that if i ask you, you'll lie about it, give me some weird answers to ease my burden. I know its "not good", what we have here that's why i cant help but question what we really are. We're friends & all although somehow, im already losing you by you spacing out on me. If you've read this (you probably will), I would love for YOU to drop me some answers.

gone going. sleepyhead.
keekee

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {2:13 AM}

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Do you remember?
I remember when a friend of mine & i used to write each other essays a lot. Like we would pass notes and it would be on some kind of essay format complete with the big words, the body paragraphs, and even with the conclusion. Now that he have been fairly busy (or he thought he is), we seldom do that anymore or any of the things we use to do. No more filipino food every other day after school, mocha iced, walking, laughing, why is the world so upside down all of a sudden? I just dont get it.

I remember when thypoons would keep my siblings and i sane (when i still live back in the philippines). We found ourselves bonding, sharing stories that we would had never do on a regular basis. It seemed like storms brought us together more than my parents trying to.

I remember when i used to be top of my class. I was considered as "smart" but meeting all these different genius people here, I dont think im that smart after all. I was used to compliments rather than criticisms; it made me a big headed. Blame the relatives. :-)

I remember when eatting at fast-food chains were a treat every other month. the average Filipinos treats fast-food (ie mcdonalds, burger king) only during special occasions or if they have enough money to treat their huge family, 12 kids or so, for some diff. "dish" than the usual homecook meals. Thinking about it now, those food arent as great as they were to me then. Its expensive compare to the fast-food here although it was still fast-food..as in fattening food. eek.

I remember when I used to cry a lot as a kid. I was a cry baby, i would do anything to get what i want thus, i was my family's spoiled little brat. I failed as the sweet daughter that they expects me to be but who can i really blame but them. I say my dad & grandma were weak. They gave out too easily on me. I believe im still the evil, manipulated kid that i was then. I still have my ways on getting what i want (sometimes) although i start to think about the money and stuff. Besides, its too much of a hassle to hear my mom whine about how hard she's working to earn money and I, im just the bum who laze around on her room,consume alot of electricity, use all their money on pesky little things like clothes and shoes. :-) pesky? more like neccesities. lol

-to be continued-

Its a fishy business!

I saw Pedro (our blue fish) in another jar this morning. The two fishes seemed as if they miss each other. Josie, while in the large bowl, constantly swimmed around as if she was in a state of weariness, staring at Pedro, Pedro staring back all together. They were attracted to one another akin to two humanly lovers. It was an "awww" moment for our pets. Is there a possibility Pedro & Josie miss each other? Oh and can fishes have sex? If yes, how do they do it? I guess imma need long-term observations for my own questions. :-)

P.S.
Happy october 1st! Lance just turned legal. ah, lucky bum. Oh i might go to his partey on the 7th. :-D

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {1:15 AM}

Who? Me?

I eat art, bitchy, and tomato omelet for breakfast. I do have a heart of gold even with my "I say it how it is" attitude. I'm above anything else, crazy: dramatist at times, witty funny and I am every personalities put together. I don't think I am stupid just because it takes me longer to figure or do things. In my free time, I tend to dance in my undies until i fall asleep half-naked. Other than those mentioned, there is nothing more special about me. If there is, it is yet undiscovered. So i came upon a goal: self-discovery or bust, babe.

Forever Love.

&hearts music
&hearts art
&hearts writing
&hearts cooking
&hearts photography
&hearts food
&hearts cheese monkeys
&hearts coffee
&hearts hot hot heat
&hearts sunshine
&hearts interiors
&hearts books
&hearts pickle relish
&hearts cinnapretzel
&hearts floors
etc &hearts &hearts &hearts

Detours Ahead.

Alan:Blasted Brains, Coy
Anne:Dysfunctionism.
Arnel:Lover Boy.
Aaron:Strange guy.
Avy:Anguished.
Bam:thegreat.
Catherine:Rawrness.
Carl:Tuesdays.
Dane:Oxymoron.
DC:Alter-ego.
Dhea:Mixed Emotions.
Dotep:Memory.
Elmo:Big bird!
Francess:Spunkified.
Gerome:Basketbolista.
Giselle:Soccer-ism.
Gracie:Pretty.
Henzel:Flyaway.
IT2M
Ituloy angSulong.
Jasmin:rockin.
Jham:summer.
LA:Artworks.
maryjuana:Life.
Mark:makeenetics.
Mark:Secrets.
Miselle:unpromiscuous.
Mishi: Korean jive
Pam:Vanity.
Reyn:Orange world.
Rina:peace&love
Tala:Sarcasm.
Teen Council default.
Tina:life's abundant.
UtakGago:writing genius
Xyla:nurcessist.

Chatterbooth.

Master creator.

designer | kathleen(:
image&brushes | su-e
host | imageshack

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