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I want this week be over with. But before anything else, before the great, big "sigh" for the semester, i still have to go through long hours of finals & artworks, a whole bottle of Nescafe, and big, humongous eye bags and pimples making me uglier like im not already one. crunch time, lazy kid. boooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!111

-keeks.

P.S. regular blog viewing/s will be back after this week. hang in there! i miss reading your blogs but but but...duty calls. :-D



| As i mentioned before, I hate online codings. If it doesnt give me nosebleed, just another hell-hole dose of headaches and long nail-biting frenzies. Why must i suffer so much with this crap? Why do i even bother changing the fookin layout? Well, uuuh, hmmm, eeeer, I got no life!? No, it is more like "I didnt wanna do art for the moment or study for the finals so i decided to go through the long process of figuring out where things go where" and lemme tell you, it was the most grueling thing i've done this week besides the fact that I also had to go through the same horrible ordeal convincing Cl-de to go with me in Santa Monica supposedly by tomorrow.

Santa Monica or Downtown my arse!! pfft. Because none of my friends got the balls to accompany me while they bombarded me with emotional appeals (you'll get this, that, STDs rape cases, pass your classes etc), I decided to post pone everything after the finals. I'm not really a "give-up" person but if people are reasonable enough for me to consider what they're saying, i'll back down and seek for some alternatives somewhere else. Just this book I've recently read, it is making me in over my head... Suddenly, i didnt wanna be so safe anymore. I suddenly wanna be just like ALex Supertramp and hitchhike to Alaska. And just like it, i suddenly feel like deliberately speeding through things.

Speaking of speeding, time has been passing rather quick. It feels like i was only fussing about college applications yesterday but as National Reply Day is fast-approaching, my chances of getting anywhere is slimming as well. I already gave up, i accepted that i didnt get in anywhere although now that i still have 2 more colleges to look forward to, i'm more jittered than anyone else. What if they'd ran out of those college special paper and would not even give me any rejection letter? Wouldnt it suck that everyone else get either the acceptance or rejection letter while i didnt even get anything? I think its better for me not to look forward to it. I'll try to forget i ever applied to those schools and when they send me something, i'll just pretend I didnt know anything about it. Ridiculous but it might work.

I got tag! I now give you 5 secrets:
1. I sneak out almost every time i have to go somewhere. I rarely say anything to my mom or bro when i go out. It may sound disrespectful yet it always works out for me. I hate answering their nagging questions; i'd rather be scolded by my actions than go through horrible questions of where im going, who with, what im gonna do etc.

2. I happen to be the "black" sheep of my family. I havent done anything major YET but my family consider me to be the most delinquent daughter. Let just say, i used to cry just to get what i want and I usually voice out my opinion more than any asian child. I'm not afraid to talk back but its not like i dont feel aweful afterwards.

3. I am not as innocent as i may look like. Just like everyone, i have my sensual, perverted, horndogs! side/s.haha you didnt have to know that, did you?

4. I've cheated on my essays during my 10th grade year. We werent suppose to take any of 'em outside of class but i'd remember the topic and easily wrote 'em at home. When i went back to school the next day, i would ask my teacher if she could lemme finish it; she'd say yes and trust me while i'd be copying the typed one in a regular sheet of paper. As for my mom's signiture, well, dear, that's another story. *bats eyelashes* I'm not a cheater, im just practical and wise.

5. He's right, i just want him for myself. Selfish, much? oh yeah.


P.S.i apologize for accidentally deleting all of your comments. I didnt manage to put the codes back so i went to Haloscan instead and got me one of those thingiemajigs. I swear, i'd miss it especially Bam's. She did say something interesting regarding my Barbie post and now, i wont be able to read it.

P.P.S.
im sick!!!! blooooooh.



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Out of boredom and procrastination, I decided to look for the lyrics of Barbie Girl by MXPX. While i might have danced to it when i was 9 and definitely very naive, going over the lyrics now is disturbing and damn, eye-opener. Who could have thought such kiddie song is so sexual and superficial? If not mistaken, they were totally mocking the slut that she is. Don't believe me? Decide for yourself.





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Unfortunately to anyone who have been looking forward to some cynical post, my mind's still crippled. I already asked my mom if she could check me in to a mental hospital but she said its too expensive so i'm living in a big dog house for now, sleeping uncomfortable, one leg chained down the ground. The hard thing about a MAK (mentally awkward kid) is that, nobody wants you anymore after being diagnosed of having one. The friends who i thought got my back, back down and didnt even bother to comfort me. Although i still could write, i am having trouble thinking and even understanding the basics. I'm just scared i'll be cutting my ear next. Would that make me iconic like Van gogh? I should be original though, maybe cutting one arm or something which by the way is bugging the eff out of me. I mean when i thought i dont get fat, that's when i find parts of my body that jiggles. Like my arms, my thighs, legs, trust me, its looking fairly disgusting.

On the other hand, school has been really fun the past week. Karein's greenies club is going almost smoothly except for the fact that she can be completely bossy most days. People, man. You give them some power and they go on abusing it and pushing for more. Not that she's a complete power whore but it can be annoying sometimes. We've mostly distributed recycling boxes and put up large posters all over school, but i feel like we're truly moving into better and greater things. As for my classes, let just say im good at bullshitting things. I had to talk to a large group for my govt. class last week and it didnt go too well. I managed to say things that will never interest those smart scumbags who stare and make me a little uncomfortable. Trust me, i LOVE talking but when i have to discuss politics, george bush's ass, and polling, i just go blank and accidentally say things like "Yea" for an added opinion or stammer the rest of the period. It doesnt help that my heart throbs like crazy and my palms sweats either. I might need a big box of twix the rest of the semester now. I dont think our "meaningful" discussions will stop anytime soon. Pls. help me god?

I got three bus route informations in front of me. Im thinking of doing some travelling around San Fernando valley. I hate how i rely on people to offer me an adventure. Now that i feel older, i might as well take advantage of it and be independent. I've done it last saturday, been walking around my neighborhood, drinking coffee that makes me look some kind of prima donna bitch, I notice there are actually a lot of photography material that i didnt bother looking before: @ 5, there's a naked guy changing across the street, a little italian coffee shop along Sherman way, seriously, you just have to look beyond the suburban/ghetto-like setting and make something out of 'em. Because i am yet again inspired, i borrowed a photography book from the library and maybe one of this days, I could catch a thought-provoking image.

Anyway, speaking of "travelling", im also reading a Tuscany book my spanish teacher let me borrow last year. When i was in 10th grade and ambitious, i decided to back-pack europe after high school . Although it doesnt look promising now, i'd still want to do it someday. The place looks enchanting, friendly, and down-to-earth. I'm mc-dreamy, i go gaga over anything Italian so yes, I'll be there someday, amidst of a piazza, drinking coffee, thinking I've done it. WOuld it hurt me to dream?

-keekee

P.S. Sushi ginger's good. Oh im happy my mom bought an instant mocha powder from Costco. I've been craving for some for months. Damn Krispy Kreme shut down in front of my school for an In-n-out chain which is just ridiculous cuz i got me the worst sweet "teeth" ever so now i cant get me commercialize donut or mocha-iced. I have to go down this vietnamese place my little friend's family own just to get some eclaire. Vienna=<3.



| Would my dream/s be considered nightmares? im serious. it was like, i fall asleep around 7 maybe and barely woke up today with a horrible headache and homeworks left unfinish. I might have heard my mom talking about why i rarely talk to her, and on top of that, i dreamed of asians jumping on waterfalls, whoring white guys/girls, and it was all so dramatic in a spanish novela kind of way. O.O Oh and lets not forget my dream about my family and 'em not getting along, oooh, story of my life, literally. My dreams were as random as i am. Ugh. I think too much. I'll never gonna go to sleep that early again. 9 hours of sleep is not me. maybe 5 or 6, but nothing longer than that. I either get weird dreams about people that dont concern me or I'll be weirded out and dont remember anything the next morning. What's my name?

Anyway, i really dont have to properly say goodbye to this blog and to anyone really. Its better like this...like this i mean not writing for soo long, 6 days? Wow. I've never thought i could do that but now that i have, i might do it even longer, say a month? 2 weeks? I hate this shitty blog. Nobody reads it, WHO THE HECK CARES. But i might still write for kicks, not for anyone, just for kicks... what the heck is "kicks"? You urbandictionary it. ha.

I'll write again maybe tonight if i dont fall sleep early. I was just really tired yesterday. we were distributing boxes for my greenies club. Recycle this, that, its all about the environment now.

Im out. still have homeworks. AAAAAAAh.



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"Love" came to me pretty early in my life. I didnt know what love truly is then but at a young age where i had my very first interactions with the opposite sex without knowing how they are, what they're up to, I easily crushed on Jethro or Jet the first grade. Until today, I dunno how the opposite sex and vice versa learned to court one another and how teasing occured pretty early on us. While, normally, as young as 7, is still on the cootie stage, we were already trying to pursue the guy we wanted to complete our make-believe fairy-tale story; if we were gonna be princesses then, my friends and i thought, we needed our prince charmings to sweep us off our feet, dance with us with our balloon like dresses, and when we get lost, try to find us with their manly courage to attack ogres and beast lurking around the land of make-believe. Although the girls werent vivid on what they actually wanted to happen, they still thought it would be cool to get childish replies from the guys. Thinking about it now sounded naive to me; all the i love yous we said don't mean anything now. All those was meant to be from that stage of our lives only and it pretty much stayed like that until some of my childhood friends move away from that place while others got themselves "strangers" to "love".

I must had been lucky when Pepe Poe proposed his undying crush on me. He gave me a butterfly ring in front of a well (gripo) as i, willingly took it with gloatness beneath my shy interior. I didnt like him, although i led him to believe i did, just to get the silver-plated ring. When we moved on the 2nd grade, he might have noticed I didnt intend to return the feeling because i was rooting for somebody else. He unfortunately tried to drift himself apart, hating me our whole elementary years which barely affected me if not much, not at all. Although 4 years after, I realized i might have hurt him but did nothing to make him feel better. I left him uneased as i went on dealing with my pre hormonal behavior, thinking i would run out of time to deal with it later.

Our 3rd grade year was even crazier as i was linked to Jonard G. He and I played along the teasing, completely snobby and even denied that we didnt like each other the first time. Although when we just couldnt hide our childish feelings anymore, we suddenly become inclined: we held hands and he tried kissing me on the cheeks many times as i let him once. Our action didnt stop our peers to cause further trouble however. We were then the talk of our class and when we had hoped they'd stop teasing, they went on for more. It was a great feeling in a kiddie kind of way, nonetheless. I didnt know what was happening but suddenly i was jittered as butterflies flew wild inside me. Anyway, he turned out to be my secret santa for christmas the following holiday. He gave me a cute stuff bunny and walked me home after that last day of the year. I was kinda hoping our "relationship" would not have to end but while the year was ending, it did to ours, as well. As we went back to school afterwards, he would still talk to me but what we used to doing like young lovebirds died instantly.

Nothing major-lovey-dovey happened the rest of my elementary years--just random crushes, either from me or from the guys. Although when a group from my school and i went to compete to another school nearby when i was 12, I then again saw someone who i wanted to have. All of my friends were crushing on him which triggered me to charm and win him over all the girls. All i knew was his name although something occured in between when i was still there that we started writing each other when i move here. We did the penpal thing for a year or two but when i started adjusting in here, i forgot about him and and some of my childhood friends.

This did me nothing but probably a memorable childhood. While it was good as it lasted long enough, the thing that we thought is love, wasnt anything near that. It was one of those funny good things we will be remembering about when we get together on some party at that town. But as i grow older and go through some nasty teenage cruelty, i wish i didnt grow "that" fast, i wish im still back home playing with my friends with jack ropes, hide and seeks...growing up is not as easy as it looks like. I've become a dramatist overnight.

P.S. The pic is jonard's. we've emailed each other a few times. He got a girlfriend now which doesnt bother me much.

P.P.S. I got reconnected with my close girlie, Joy, just November of last year thru some site whom another friend talked me into joining. Im happy im still incontact with a few.





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My last post was the most serious i'll ever get to. Who am i kidding? No one but my funny, dorky self. I'll never be able to close this blog, never stop writing just because I'm frustrated at something else, and for the most part, will never let go of anyone i've gotten attach to. That's just not me; you know what me is? Me only thinks i have to give up on something else to be happy but all of these things i have now, the people i know, subjects im passionate about are what makes me complete, i know, cheesy, but true. I gotta stop setting high expectations for myself because when i dont achieve it, i'm most likely to be crushed and forever think i'll never be good enough. As for people i think i need to let go of, you've become a part of my very bipolared life and when your gone, I would never be the same, jolly-offensive kid again. The one thing i've learned from these drama-rama bullshitness is that, I DONT HAVE TO STOP DOING WHAT I HAVE TO DO, OR HAVE TO DISLIKE PEOPLE FOR ME TO BE HAPPY, I JUST HAVE TO LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT SOME DAYS, I WONT CREATE MASTERPIECES, I WONT GET ALONG WITH MY MOM, I WONT BE SECURE IN ANY RELATIONSHIPS: THE I WONTS. But you know what comes after any rain? Sunshine. It is not the end of the world everytime i get in trouble in school, i fight with any of my friends or mom... I've managed to get myself out of any situation before, so why would i stop now? Why would i think life for me will never be great again? So no, I wont stop sharing my thoughts to anyone who is interested. I gotta cut myself some slack here; who will believe i can do IT (make something out of my life) when i dont even believe myself? Seriously, now it make sense. :)





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America have fed me a lot of crap the past 3 years but more importantly let me discovered music, lots of it which made me not only a download maniac but a band-aid as well. My taste in music changed drastically from Britney Spears, "Im a barbie girl" crap, "Show me the meaning of being lonely" to let just say, classier taste. I've learned all of these new wave indie bands and still a big fan of the classic rock like The Beatles, The seeds, Yes, Tears for fears etc. Like i said, theres no such thing as knowing too many bands, too many songs--well for me there isnt. I just cant seem to get enough; i'm always trying to discover new bands and would not settle for the groups i know now. I dont usually go for what's popular because i'd rather critique a band by their music and not by how mainstream their essence are to the rest of the society. I cant say im deeply passionate about music (cheesy!). I'm more passionate about the collaboration of many instruments and the outcome of that, whether it be blues, rock & roll, indie whatever genre it maybe. I'm much fascinated with how great such experimentations could lead to songs like Smile by Damien Rice, or of that Strawberry Fields Forever by The Beatles. If i have the talent to compose my own, i'd do it. If i have the ability to give back to the music industry I'm corrupting, I'd do it. If i could sing and inspire others of my musical ability, I'd do it. But for now, i'd just listen and discover, until I know every band out there and have heard every songs there is letting all of it sink in beneath me.

Music is my anti-drug. It always been the one who could calm me down until im numb, putting me down into an enjoyable coma. I could sit here and listen to my favorite artist and not get bored while i cant even sit still and do some of my works without incorporating music on the background. That's how powerful "music" is hitting me right now. can there be a music aphrodisiac after all? I meant can music be that powerful to leave people inspired, dreamy, cheesy?

your cheesy patooty,
Keekee

Dreamer creamer:
I wonder, why do i even write when not one reads what i have to say? I dunno. I like writing. I'll have my own readers someday, they'll like my inputs and i'll be gloating on the back. I'll have my time and that is 10 years from now. Have i told you i like cooking and writing better than art? Nah, i LOVE all of 'em, the music, arts, food, and writing. Very ghetto classy! haha.



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Unfortunately for me, I still havent died or have commited suicide to fulfill my long dream to be in every US tabloids. More unfortunate perhaps that I'd be eatting leftover fettucine alfredo, while taking very long showers afterwards, then dancing naked to "The boogie that beat" later the rest of the year. Seriously man, whoever thought whatever you do in New Year's Day is what you'll gonna do the rest of the year is some big dumbass who is just bored out of his or her mind trying to REALLY scare every hard-core believers (of superstitions) out there. If that is so the case then i must be some lucky bastard with only sensual dancing on her mind. Really, ITS NOT MAKING SENSE TO ME. Well, a lot of things dont, but this one is just leaving me a lot dumbfounded like im not already dumb enough. Why I must suffer soo much?

Speaking of suffering, after two long hair evaluations yesterday and the day before that, i've decided to never cut my hair again. When i said my pretty long hair got chopped off really bad, i wasnt close to kidding. Well i thought i would kid around about it but when i looked closely, its fiuking ugly and war-provoking, even my fellow hippies cannot hold me back on going to hair war. Screw hairpeace! Screw john lennon and yoko ono's hair! My hair is screwed so everyone must be damned as well. You kidding!? I was in-love with my hair, everyone even "loved" it but now that I have a shorter choppy layered, uneven hair with nasty bangs, I think imma wait til "Dooms Day" for me to come out of my room. Maybe then, when people are too occupied in saving themselves, they wont notice and judge me. It will be much longer, yes, but for now, I'll try to keep it for myself and not let anyone see me in person. Sure, i'll crave some gelato, window shopping, lovely-stupid guys hitting on me on the streets (creepy), but damn, I'm much embarass and uglified to leave my room much alone parade myself for everyone's local entertainment.

To anyone who wants some good, honest, bitter, opinion, I say never go to an Asian Salon with only ladies on their 50s giving heads...eer i mean haircuts. Either they didnt pay attention in Beauty School, they're too old to remember if they've done the other side of your hair, or that they cant damn well see what they're cutting. Awww yea sweetie, i know, im very rude and unlady like but seriously, DONT MESS WITH MY HAIR OR YOU'LL GET A PIECE OF MY SWEET-OLE SHALLOW MIND, thankyouverymuch.

My hair looked fine after the long cutting procession but when i looked at it closely over and over again until i was obsessed with it, I am pissed i now look retarded enough to get bullied at school. I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON; i learned not to think of a new haircut as "change". I'll let it pass now although i'm greatly fussing about it; the next time i feel like i wanna cut my hair again, I'll resist...adfkasldgfjasldfa.


Too bad I dont trust no more asian women to cut my hair. I must have distracted her greatly, was too friendly to her or that she somehow hated me and decided to make me uglier instead. What's good? Men and their Porno to be discuss 23456 minutes from now oh and the movie Almost Famous.

The loving memenist and feminist,
kee

P.S. the picture was before i realized i look retarded

P.P.S. Do cows fart?

Blast that stereo, LOUD! {12:49 PM}