| Lucy Liu: every fucking white men's fantasy. Dandy, aint it?

(oh sure, im just completely, and utterly hating right now. Pfft, chea right. *gloats*)

When i die by the first week of next year, I want it to be worldwide. I want everyone to know that a kid like me who is not famous or have done something relevant for that matter died out of attitude guilt, misery from the people she've thought didnt care about her nasty sarcasm, and heart attack luled by sad genocide-ism in Africa along with her discussions of racism and imperfection; while an attempt of breaking her heart undergone, it unfortunately turned visibly into a stone, scaring off the dude with said vile intentions... Yea yea, i just thought it has been a crazy month with 3 notorious people already 6 feet under. First, James Brown who i thought got some pretty cool blues that cheered me up almost everyday "I feel good?". Ford's death followed, taking the spotlight away from the King of Soul. Then came Hussein's execution just yesterday making everyone (or anyone who care) jump for joy, have a merry fucking cheers, and the Irocki people chant happy.happy.oh joy, oh bleeping joy! I guess we have to leave this very amusing world one way or the other, eh?

Yesterday was sickening. I spent the whole day listening to my mom and her sweet, little, mr. perfect boyfriend argued like they're already married which did not only overwhelmed the life out of me but also made me to decide not to marry ever! in the future. I dont care if i'll find Mr. Right then; if i cant handle listening to 'em alone, how could i even handle my own freakin finances and what not in the future? I've notice marriage is good for the first 2 years of being together (Bed of fluffy, cotton candy, sweet momma!) but whatever happen beyond that is not a pretty picture: the man cheating, the woman going crazy, poor little jakey get left alone in the house trying to change his own diaper, then BOOM, the whole family get into their senses and divorce each other (bed of nails).

Anyway, we we're fine on our way to W. Hollywood but when we drove back to the valley and Mike already knew I'm not gonna fucking treat him to the movies, he started annoying me off with his constant "Awww your broke poor you" mental, cuckooness. I wasnt even fussing about it when he just started making it as his own problem convincing me that none of my age is as broke as i fuckin am. Riiggghhht bud, like i dont already know that! I hate it when people starts bugging me things that I dont give a damn about. Sure, i care if i have any money or not but i dont go on whining about it to other people that much. I dont go on preying others that they should get some "rich friends" blah blah to help them financially, blah blah. For pete's sakes! The man is money crazy; when he doesnt have any money, he gets mad like a stuntman, he yells at my mom, and just goo fucking nuts. I dont even know what my mom see's in him or that, how come my mom WHO IS STILL MARRIED TO MY DAD IS WITH THIS DUDE WHO HE CALLS OOOH HIS BOOOOYYYFRIEND...life IS VERY twisted.

I pretty much didnt wanna hear any of their conversations and rolled down my window instead, intently distracting some of the drivers. They looked at me like they've never seen an asian kid before, ghad. I dunno what they see me as but im sure am not an alien or a ghost or the exorcist character. Other than the stares, it was definitely some ride.


P.S. I'll be getting my haircut tomorrow. Im hoping for real bangs and choppy layers.

P.P.S. New year is coming, how was my '06? I really dunno. Time for THE list. XD



|

You're Totally Sarcastic

You sarcastic? Never! You're as sweet as a baby bunny. Seriously, though, you have a sharp tongue - and you aren't afraid to use it. And if people are too wimpy to deal with your attitutde, then too bad. So sad.

Your Quirk Factor: 73%

You're so quirky, it's hard for you to tell the difference between quirky and normal. No doubt about it, there's little about you that's "normal" or "average."

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Ever wandered what's the deal between white men and asian women? Daved S. have and asked to help him figured out exactly what's the scene behind this trend that is already becoming an epidemic, causing a lot of asian guys and white girls go hoolabalooh on such interracial couples. Be very afraid, and if necessary go hide in the woods if you're into one of these relationships. A lot of said non white men and asian women are out to get you: why you're taking their women and vice versa. It is a very amazon-like world out there, its a survival of the fittest and if you manage to picture it like i do, different races are actually fighting for their territorial grounds...cat fights, grouches, hair-pulling...until it'd end into some nasty bloodshed and everyone dies, besides me OF COURSE. LOL

I've seen a whole lot different side to this trend in search for an answer the whole day. No, I didnt flew to San Francisco and joined the UC berkeley Asian-american studies, nor did I stay online overnight, searching all of the forums with numerous of such topics--that'd be somehow suicidal and unbearable but anyway, as i pictured it to be, evolved a whole discussions of "big fat gross white dudes" to "why cant i get a white girlfriend?" between racists, the defenders, and of the underdogs. Some say these whoamen(!) go for the geek-ish, balding white 60 year old men for their Lambourghini (i saw one today o.o), basically race cars and heaps and heaps and probably heappppsss and more heappps of money (gold diggers, bastard). Others say because white men treats these asian whoamen(!) with a whole other "better" respect than asian men do, and while having self-esteem issues, pampered them a lot more. As any discussions, many have disagreed whether these women only go for the money or that white men actually respect them better. Of course, its not always 30 yr old asian woman-60 or older white man kind of thing; there's also the latest generation who goes hooking up with the hunky, white males which worsely stirred up young asian guys mentality today.

I agree to the lady defenders (who are in a white-asian relationship, mind you) that it is not about what kind of race these men are but whether or not you loved or have fallen in loved to this person. I dunno where i stand, do i hate white men for thinking sexually, stereotype stuff with my own continental race or the ladies who've given these men enough reasons to get stuck to the "they're good in bed, likes bigger you know what, porn stars" mentality? Oh fucking shet, of all the views i've read today, i dont even know what my point is anymore. I now hate 2 or more things however-- asian women who think they're the shit just because they have these fuckin white dudes beside 'em and white males thinking they could use these women for their china doll fantasies. Yea yea, everyone's not like ("I like asians because they're banging"), some will even say "there's no reason at all but i happen to fell in love with her" which like i've said, makes it a little harder for me to bash and stereotype everyone and anyone who is possibly in relation to such trend.

Im no hypocrite on top of other things and I accept the fact that i'm going gaga over Heath Ledger right now and this dude from a Target poster. :-P But if i have to answer the big question myself without going through some loco fuss, I'd say, asian dudes dont really find a lot of asian girls attractive, choosey perhaps, just like the asian women in which they stereotype, and bash badly for choosing some baldy over 'em.

Anyway, whatever the fucking DEAL is, i'll find it. I always do. :-P



|
For whatever secret reason i have, I am now a pretend Christmas enthusiast. By next year, i'll be wearing christmas sweaters and accessories, inflicting everyone my damnest contagious holiday spirit. Even i surprised myself I bid everyone in my house holiday greetings at midnight, called a couple of friends, woke one, made another running to answer the phone while I managed to be the cheeriest "grinch" anyone could ever meet. I havent done something like that for three years now; when i moved here few years ago, I've always thought nothing could beat yuletide in the Philippines. I promised i would stop caring for the Holidays and go with what we have although i've secretly wanted more than that until now... Screw huge family get-togethers! Sure, its fun mingling with distant relatives and their heartful, witty, sickening opinions of you ("You've turned into a fat turd, sweetie," Aunt Rose. "You keep sending me those cheap chocolates, aunty." Thankyouveryfookinmuch) but I got all what i needed here, a part of my family and more: awesome, forgiving friends, my fish, my bro, mom, and her boyfriend, what else could i ask for? Nothing.

Well, there's something i could ask...I could ask TBS to stop showing The Christmas Story over and over again, ABC family for those "getting-old" classic Christmas shows, or every channel stop the crazy Christmas thing which by the way is already pissing me off.

I'm surprise we got a lot of presents this year which doesnt make sense at all. There's only 4 people living in this household, my mom who hardly buys gifts for us kids, my bro who's better giver than my mom (I got something from him! I cant wait to open it. Im hoping its artsy-related.), Mr. Mike-o who is, well, acts like the next big santa but only worst, wants to get something in return, and me who STILL DOESNT HAVE A JOB to buy THESE PEOPLE gifts. I hate how I'll be remorseful all year round while these wonderful people i so-called family will be using such gifts against me, manipulating it to make me do things or to behave like a panting dog, asking for more steak (for this one, gifts). Oh, merry, joy, happy; the sole reason for Christmas--or not.

Because it's already christmas day, i wanna broadcast a wish i've always have: a simplistic life. (Not "yea right" im serious). I wish i will be able to live in a forrest someday and get in-tuned with my natured-chic spirit, getting eatten by bugs and taking dumps behind some big, bushy trees. Where am i going with this? I dunno but here's a very heartfelt animation from yahoo that demonstrates one's general journey through life...while in the end, it only says one thing, OUR LIFE IS OUR OWN CANVAS.




Have a Merry Christmas everyone! I hope no one is being a brat right now because OOOOH YOU DIDNT GET WHAT YOU WANT. Well you know what? There are alot of people out there who are not able to celebrate Christmas so if you dont like the tie your son got you, SUCK IT UP AND SHOVE IT IN YOUR ASS. :-D

Yours charmingly,
Ja-nay-nay.



|
Brighter Discontent: Goodbye.

I'm done with eerthing for now. I won't be writing in my blog nor myspace-ing for a very long time. I'll cut off the connection from here then until i feel like "publicizing" my opinions again. That'd be another resolution, to unmanage my "sites" and let 'em work by emselves. I dunno how, but they will manage without me. Im sure many imaginary readers will miss my naive opinions but i gotta get back in track and stop hiding behind this blog and or communicating with my friends in myspace. I have their numbers, i could call and when i just can't help but write my witty opinions, I won't be here but behind some AP govt essays; I got 5 of 'em to be finish by the 8th. Not really sure if im coming back here any day this week or next week or the week after that, but be certain no more angsty opinions; who cares about my feelings anyway? It just messes me up--i mean, understanding 'em messes me up.

Much thanks to all of you who have been reading and who have been a part of this blog. I enjoyed reading your thoughts and hopefully you enjoyed mine too. Maybe when i've worked some pretty major "self-adjustments" i'll be logging in here again with better things to say. I wouldnt want to do this but i got things to do along with some winter memries to create with my fam and some friends as well...right. Anyway, the thing is, i've been bumming around for 4 days now and feel like im living this "idle" world where im sitting still, in this case, sleeping still, and not accomplishing anything when in fact i could do so many and be productive. I'm scared my winter break will end and i'd still be sleeping around only to find out i didnt do much the whole break.

I also plan on taking this break fixing me, basically, ready for next year. I cant go on holding to the same things, holding on to the same feelings, and i figured i need a major change, not just my life but everything that goes along with it. On top of that, i need to go back to some lifestyle i've always pictured myself into--going back to pesco/pollo vegetarianism possibly (after this day, though. mom is cooking some chocolate meat haha), taking more pictures for photography material, and i miss art...I havent been practicing a whole lot. It seems that when i've mess up my grades in school, I forgot all the things i wanted to do. I also notice i havent giving all my best in art and sadly, i've cause some irritating whinies when in fact its me who the problem is. Life is good, the days have been beautiful but for the past 4 days, let just say months, i got caught up with school works that i havent really notice anything...havent taken up any real responsibilities.

Well, that's all i wanna say. Thanks again. Remember me. I wanna post a lyric of a song but i have to take a shower now and go christmas shopping. so maybe some other time.

Mon cherie,
keeki.



|
I woke up and I feel like i need to write this NOW.

1. Change attitude. Im 17, young, have a great sense of humour and a fish. What is more to love? Cynicism is a funny thing and i will continue to practice it. As for childishness, IM 17, STOP ASKING ME TO GROW UP ALREADY!! I'll relive the happy-go-lucky kid that my father used to see in me. Whatever happened between when i move here and now, let just say, have never existed. I miss being JUST HAPPY, the kid, no problems, doesnt think too much but not vague either.

2. Throw gum the garbage-disposing way. If i'm gonna continue whining whenever i step on one is the end of the world, I must put some effort in my side to throw it the way how humans suppose to. I hate the eeky feeling; its like when you step in a fresh chewed one, it feels like you'll be stuck in there sticky and ugh, JUST STICKY.

3. Practice hate. I'll follow Hitler's footsteps and genocide all men. I've fallen for all sorts of 'em and lemme tell you, the teenage kid is not better than the older man or vice versa. They're all the same: UNFORTUNATELY, THEY DONT UNDERSTAND WOMEN, LADIES, AND OR GIRLS. The sucky thing is, i've always like the male type and so i think, upon finding that men are dickheads and are not likely to change, I MUST PUT MY GREATEST EFFORT to damn 'em all. Not all, but some. I'll call my plan: "Lets Eat Unsentimental Fools For Breakfast". Yum. Yum. (Dont you throw spoons at me now)

4. Stay in school forever. This resolution is open to many interpretations but here is mine: If people think i should be put to a juvenile hall because of my school delinquency, THEN WHY NOT GIVE WHAT THEY WANNA SEE: me, failing then living my dream of being some Mcdonalds busgirl, sticky hair, shit head popping in my face. Right. Not gonna happen, sweetie. I'll reach the top someday and when i do, I'll be dropping big rocks in your way just to lag you down behind. So this coming year 2007, I'll put my utmost effort to be the nerdiest kid beating butts PROVING THAT I STILL GOT THE BRAIN POWER TO SMACK YOU UNFAITHFUL PEOPLE FROM BEHIND. As they always say, ALWAYS HAVE FAITH IN KEEKI OR ELSE...

5. Get a good-paying job preferably nowhere near our corner. And when i do get a job and save some money, I'll keep it to myself and forget that those kids in Africa ever existed. I wouldnt care anymore, shit. When people starts being selfish around me, i tend to do it myself, and turn into an UNCARING, IDLE PERSON only thinking of myself, basically. Or not--that's inhumane. Whoever think uncaring about the rest of the world, just happy being alone, yourself etc is normal and must be practiced throroughly is misguided. We are actually given the power to show emotions, to be sad...to feel angry... We dont live in some fairy-tale world where we could use magic, sing along with dwarfs, or that when messes up, you'll be put in a dungeon full of dragons; ITS THE REAL WORLD, TAKE PART FROM IT AND JUST LET GO.

6. To be Continued.



| I saw a world hunger ad a while ago on TV and i cant fail to point out Michael Jackson's disappearance--WHERE IS HE WHEN ALL OF THESE KIDS FROM AFRICA NEEDS HIM? Oh sure, he is not the typical "father thereso" but dont you think it's only unfair that these kids are being abandoned by him? Instead of sexually abusing kids, why not he, as the "kid lover" that he claims to be, help these hungry, dying kids and make them happy this Christmas? He got the money, he even got the Neverland ranch complete with disney-like rides, he'll make many kids from 3rd world countries happy for sure; unfortunately, he is nowhere to be found, not even in tabloids or anything, he just decided to disappear and be the selfish man that he is, only thinking of his enjoyment and never for the kids. Damn pervert! Tell him the Social Services needs him to make up for the years he abusedly use many kids for his sexual pleasures to volunteer in Africa if you ever see him, kk? Thanks.

Hey! If i am the richest tard on earth, I'll definitely go there and help them myself but nooo, I cant even afford gum much alone help them financially. I barely found out i live a very poor-stricken life, worse than any of you who's reading this right now, mind you not. I dunno what happen but i cant afford gelato anymore, gum, a car, basically sustain myself with the basic "wants". While i went for a job interview last Sunday afternoon, the friggin dude didnt even show up for it so what am i to do? My hopeful attitude is crushed for the moment. The slacker that i am now, I don't think I'll ever be rich much less help stop poverty and world hunger. If you know anyone who is preferably rich and is either a young looking doctor or a med student, pls. tell him to call me! I'm desperate; i might need to do some prostitute-call or something. I'm even thinking of putting up an ad in LAweekly; sure, i dont look the job but heck, a lot of beaners will go for me for sure. HA-ha. Here's what im thinking of putting:

You'd hit it, RIGHT? *see the emphasize on "right"?

-------------------------
Anyway, while i was going through some boxes i have, coated with thick dust under my bed, I saw some of the cards my friends gave me for my birthday. (have i talked about my birthday yet? LOL) As i was reading 'em, smiling then and now, i've read one that made me happy the most. Okay, it wasnt like, i didnt manage to read it that night but I did although truth be told, i was a little excited for the other gift my friend have wrapped, all-together neglected the card. But as i was reading the short message now, i wish, i thoroughly have red the card the night of my birthday. It was meant for that day and I regret myself to be the ever-materialistic bitch that i've always been. Besides being materialistic, i also tend to put aside sweet little messages and only read 'em when i'm feeling shit and ready to throw up. It works like a bar of pick-me-up chocolate, believe me. So, you know who you are, and I'M SORRY for not completely reading it then. <3

P.S. Oh screw it, lemme go for the "Yes i am rich with wonderful friends and loving family" to catch me when i fall. (that's a song, right?) haha. Ghad, i make myself seem like the worst person you'll ever meet, dont i? Well, I love my friends and my family but lets face it, in this world of fast evolving time & tramps, money is necessary. Even though i am richly blessed with "some" talent and my lovers, I cant really buy things, send myself to college nor help those poverty stricken places using any of 'em. Didnt you know? Everything now has been really expensive. ;-P Ay, shallow kee.

P.P.S. Im 17 and 3 months old today! weee! LOL

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Can i just say i dont feel like writing AT ALL? I mean i have many things to "whine" about mind you, but words arent coming to me and i'm having a hard time putting my thoughts together. Yes, yes, i've let my brain bleed, and whatever else bleeds as well but nope, i cant write at all--writer's block is soooo not pretty. :-/ Dont worry, i dont decide to stop writing, but i won't for now. This is killing me and as always, i have the need to get a gallon of coffee or tea to wake me up. Kay.

P.S. Picture was taken last friday. I look like bull-crap but pretty okay nonetheless while erika, well, she looks spiffy. :-)



| I love a man in uniform. Army guys, UPS delivery boys, PILOTS? Yowza! Im panting already. :-) well i gotta go to sleep. my cousin from San francisco called a while ago--and i got my first "shut up" from him for years. pfft. Well, here's the surfer:




All grown up and shit, its ridiculous.







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Is it time to take my porno picture yet? Because it kinda seems like im the only one who doesnt have anything of those, lately...i feel like an outcast, a freak who doesnt conform with the rest of the booby and penis society, ahhh what to do, what to do? Isnt my breaking-out facade not enough? My jet black hair aint seducing you much? Well im sorry, I cannot ditch chocolate filled-nuts and nougats just because its giving me big red-o zits now, can i!? You dont do that to a friend just like you never stop loving just because you've been hurt really bad. So i'll keep indulging...i might gain bigger boobies from it, who knows? But if i fail to do so, would you be interested with a picture of my legs instead? I dont get why boobies and penis arouses people while our legs who are fairly the same thing, with hair, and fat, do not cause if any, no orgasmic effects at all.

Today has "sluts" written all over it. From the net, to the LAWeekly, I wanna blind my eyes. Naw, not really cuz for some reason those lists of call girls in the adult section of LAweekly mag left us laughing and almost crying from the sluttiness of it all. If i may ask, who reads LAweekly? I mean what kind of readers do this publication have? And isnt it call girls just about the same like those whores in the corner of some famous street and blvd? I was watching Tyra regardless this issue last month and some of these women mentioned that they are classier than those who work in sidewalks...MMKAY, I DONT THINK SO, BITCHES. Just like the rest of those dirty whores, your still selling your body to some lonely richie fucking rich perverts while you fool around and ask them to pay great amount of dollar in return. Paying, sex, ah, prostitution, indeed, indeed.

Anyway, if you dont have any LAweekly subscription YET (you might get one after this...ghad..get a life!), i'll try to mention some of the girls who Cl-de thinks are the prettiest cunt ever. Call Myah if you want some smarty pants girl from UCLA--she seeks for some horny late night fun to fund her expensive college tuition fees (Jeezus! Where's your class, woman? Cant you just work in A&F? Number: 310-111-0000) Medina will come to you and you wont (?? huh? DUH.) Audra who loves girls, boys, and she has a friend (???????? wow she has a friend that's surprising) Ginger who said "there no better feeling than leave a men satisfied" (Do i need to go back to my basic grammar class my 10th grade year or its her? )

If you wanna see the fuckin rest of in-&-out moo cow girls, get a copy cuz i wont be continuing the stupidity of it in my blog..uh-uh. I swear, it was all accidental and it was also accidental when we saw that kid looking at porn pictures in the library earlier today. The kid might've seemed to be 10 or 11 yet also seemed to be attach to those rated-R pictures already. I laughed, im sorry. Its the way it is...i laugh when i feel like some people are being unreasonable and pathetic doing these kind of things. Is the United States doesnt have anymore job openings for these girls or for some obselete reason they chose to be "it"?

You know what else is sad, some girls and boys who are willing to posts pictures with their willie open (not a clue haha), some cleavage, or the whole nine yard in myspace, or whatever site they maybe in just to get attention will end up doing the same thing which is not bad if your the kind of person who's not conservative fucktard like me at all and likes to satisfy what the society wants--or most of the citizens in it. (child predators? Sickos? wow. that's good.)

As for me, im still growing head by head in my face, getting fatter everyday and yes, STILL LAUGHING MY FLAT ASS OFF. So legs picture, you up? HAHAHAHAHA






| Dear Obese Trespassing Altruist,

This year, I have been a very ritalin-addled little advertising tampon. I have almost cheated, and I have rarely helped my mom's "special-friend" with their pyramid schemes. And I always say thank you, which makes me seem like i care and so I deserve lots of age-inappropirate undies this year!

Please bring all this stuff for me and the people in my life: For my mommy, please bring a magical menopause offset. For my daddy, please bring a new Rogaine prescription. For my little-big brother, please bring him a rack of Maxim and playboy magazines. For my fish, please bring him a teddybear. Oh, and for my "pool boy", please bring some sexy, hot, leopard print thongs.

Now about me (its about darn time)!! Please bring me all of the Heath Ledger & Channing Tatum sexy videos, and front row tickets to BLack Eyed Peas... plus backstage passes so I can get coked up; if imma do it, why not with them, yea!? Oh, and please dont forget to bring my Lambhorgini Diablo VT 7.0. But if you can't, just remember that more than anything my OTA, what I really really want is just a lifetime supply of Swiss Chocolate: THE toblerone for a nasty excess jiggly-belly later!

Anyway, I hope you like the tofu meatloaf I left out for you.

Your rockin pal,
Ja-nay-nay

PS: Please say Hola to Pedro & Jose if you see them.

PPS: Oh yeah, and remember George B., Sadam, & K Fed? They have been really perverted cry-babies all year long and don't deserve any Christmas presents. So please dont forget to put AIDS & strawberry flavored condoms in their stockings. Kk, love ya, biatch. *Gives XO*




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Should i be flattered that at long last, someone out there looks like me or be completely terrified this certain someone got my fugly face features? I've always thought im unique looking until today when a young lady in myspace messaged and tried to convince the bajeegers out of me that i know her in real life along with some close-knitted friendship connection. I'm sadden i've never known any Dolores in my life and completely apologize for not being the June that she've known. I still asked who might this girl be; i might be the problem--i might, as young as 17, undergoing some early forgetful behavior and that could be a problem. I cant be running around, meeting people and forgetting their names the next day, you know?

Anyway, i know i promised not ever will i watch the most cliche-ish teenage movie ever created although surprise, surprise, i ended up watching "Mean Girls" just tonight. The "cleaning-my-room-because-i-cant-bear-to-listen-to-my-mom-nag-anymore" part didnt happen..well, it barely did because for 2 hours i indulged myself to the most American high school mockery where girls talk with less sense than the below average teenage brainers in real life, school social demeanor is treated as "survival of the fittest" which seemed to me like some kind of territorial battles, and instead of made fun of, the popular plastics are, in this nightmare, bowed to their retarded girly rituals. This movie is one of the reasons why fairly teenage immigrants from Asia and where ever clings to the flimsy belief they'll get eatten out there by the queen of hives and the airhead jocks. Guess what!? That hardly happens in real life...i at least think not in my side of the valley. Whoever assume that cat fights, girls pulling each other pubic and whatever kind of hair happens everyday in the hallways, rumors speeding up like a bullet around campus credible, is a poor misguided soul.

Sure, 4 years of high school are THE drama years but the director overdid the script by going for the ultimate extreme. Many schools dont have the typical groupies that a lot of people expect from an American school social cycle. We actually get along pretty well and thankfully, not one tried to act like he/she's better than everyone else. It was pretty funny though and sad for the most part...it would suck if such environment exist somewhere in America or anywhere, really. Pfft, pls, people arent THAT mean and vile although many girls now can be so superficial..like that's sooooo not fetch.

Lesson learned: Dont be plastic, be a gold-plated imitation person instead. LOL. Noo, just be yourself and be advise to make fun of them populars...whoever talk "like omg like butter carb?" deserves some kung-fu kicking from behind. ;-)





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I was a little crabby and way way off when i got home; our darn garage door downstairs wouldnt open again--i was pissed of everything, from those sickening cheerful rose flowers our neighbors grow, to the innocent squirrels running around and hiding for the most part, i just wanna damned them all. Apparently, I've found out, aside from other things, that fooking life will never be fair; like i told Kevin, i might turn suicidal if i dont get in any universities i applied to and or that if my art teacher continues to sermon me regarding my artworks when he himself let Noellooo or Ana get away from not turning couple of their artworks on time, today. How unfair is it that when i've stayed up all night, busting my ass of on some collage thinking that i will disappoint his stinky ass, he let the others get away with their lame-0 alibis? I need a venti mocha-iced and lotsa chocolate to fatten my ass, indeed.

THEN...just like magic, Goldfrapp, The rocket summer, snow patrol came and i was fairly fine just like that--one song and it made me all better like nothing sucky ever happened to me today. I like how music has been always there to ease my burden, to use as a shield from silence and my mom's smack-muttering and how it could turn my long face, into a happy one. Silence is not a pretty thing--it is loud and only capable of telling everything between an inanimate object and or a living person.Yesterday, along with the tick-tocking of the clock, i've heard more than i needed to hear. My mom's remorsed of me, kitchen utensils clanging, burst of laughter on TV...they were all-together loudest and i just wanna get away...i wanna go some place else...i wanna mute my life and i only accomplished that by putting earphones in my ears and cranking the volume up and JUST LIKE THAT, i was somewhere away from reality.

I was mad last night due to the fact that i dont remember bitching on my mom yet she still bitches on me. I didnt say anything and will currently not going to until i feel like it again. I hate how she goes on and on doing it when i only did my project, stayed quite the whole time, feeling like im gonna burst like a bubble any minute. From some first time in years, i managed to have self-control, self assurance that maybe, just maybe, if i dont say anything and ignore her, she'll just gonna stop. She didnt stop, however...my silence disturbed her even more and whined how i never answer anymore. What? When i say something she gets mad, when i dont, she gets madder. I JUST DONT GET IT...add peruvian coffee with that and i probably will.

I learned one thing though: I need more than 4 hrs. of sleep...maybe 10 or more of dreaming, and probably even drooling..that will save me from bitching and will save you people from hearing and reading stuffs like these.

P.S. music absolutely can save my mortal soul. <3





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Christmas is about telling people i love them and scaring the bajeegers out from everyone. Its called, Christhallomas.



I dont get it, why are we so scared of sentiments and corny feelings SO much? I mean yes, I LOVE YOU is a powerful word but without LOVE from every single one of us, we dont connect. Its funny how i've been telling all of my friends i love 'em and they all went "Oh my god, are you dying?" oh sure I AM...i wish i am because death put importance to life. It gave us the realization that life is actually too precious, too precious that you would be considered one sonofabitch to waste it. I've been wasting alot of time in hand and i think im running out of it in actuality to do some life changing component--I'll never get my opinions across if i dont stop my immaturity... YES! I think for my age, im a little immature, still blowing bubbles, still laughing over shallow things, still giving my parents cold shoulder most of the time...NO WONDER I'VE GOT THAT ONE FEELING, I NEED TO ACT NOW AND CHANGE MY IMMATURE LIFE.

I cant believe i've let myself slip out of maturity like this. My friend was right, she just turned 17 last wednesday and she told me that sure, she may have turned a year older but things are still the same--our brain mechanism hasnt grown up yet.

I should stop with my cynical, debatable, opinions and start being true for once...i've been truthful, i swear its just that, i think by 17, alot of people my own age, starts to think deeper and leave their cooties, childish goo goo ga ga opinions behind for old times sake memories later.

The question is, does me, saying "i love you" make me a little less immature? I dunno, but i've meant all of those sentimental flatterings only to prove another point that PEOPLE ARE FREAKISHLY SCARED OF "CORN-y IN A COB" FEELINGS...they think that showing some kind of sweet feeling, crying, and saying maybe you know, "i love you too" back is some kind of weakness and maybe even defeat.


I should die soon. I dont wanna discover people anymore...and i should stop thinking too much. It kills--they both kills. Goodnight, lovers.





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Ugh. why is everybody having their Christmas lists already? And its not even just a christmas list--more like life list of materialistic things that would take Santa forever to sustain. This holiday is not about "i want everything inside my-christmas-stockings" holiday, its about giving and wanting beyond those lame ass objects there's no doubt it wouldnt even last your life time. Oh, dont get me wrong, i want certain things for christmas too but because its not my birthday, i seemingly live in a shanty, much less my family dont own a bank company, i'll settle in for happiness, world peace, and the consequential answer for world poverty. I wish that all of what your starting to wish for right now will be given to the less fortunate and hopefully make them less troubled than they are now. Oh sure, blame it on these people...they are the ones to blame for their own poor stricken fate although accusing them, making them feel a lot worser than they are now does not help them out of the problem.

Remember Thanksgiving day? I was most cynical we didnt have a normal thanksgiving dinner but instead of moping around my room, i went to help out in a "soup kitchen" near my place. I'm not being a braggart here, I instead is pointing my finger right in your direction, YOU SELFISH BRAT. hahaha, got ya. The experience wasnt that bad, more so, funner that it sounded like: serving crude & rude people, fun right? Muy Fun...i couldnt ask for a better holiday because after all the burns i got, I also got to work with the most laziest, hot valley boys from Cleveland. I got to exchanged 'erotic' looks with them, acted like i was better than everyone who volunteered by cutting lines in the food service section, and most important of all, made a lot of people happy with my wonderful smile plus cheerful greetings. I swear, i wasnt faking it; i've been volunteering so much that i've gotten use to smiling and pretty much practiced the jolly good ole inner alter ego that i've always have. You see this smile>> :-D that's how i am everyfookinday. pfft.

So if you think that helping out would not benefit you like the ones your helping, think again. You might find mr. right at the soup kitchen site, or get more than the things you wish for this year. No, im not asking for you to ask another favor back for your good deed. Im just saying that instead of being a bitter grinch, why not help (ie send me some mango fruit from the philippines, moolah, free shopping spree for moi LOL MAKE SOMEONE HAPPY, that simple) and you never know what you'll be getting back for it. After all, life is full of surprises and it always works out when you least expected "it".

This Christmas and always, lets show others and or the society that we still care... Make some little adjustments and get your cause across. Whatever it maybe, im sure it'll count for something. ;-)





| I promise, i didnt jinx his chances--maybe i wanted him to hang out more with me but i definitely got his back 101% most of the time. All of the jokes about how i should sabotage his chances of getting pick for the CAD team were pretty much uncool, bad "jokes" coming from a selfish bitch like me. When i saw his weary face after school, i know there was something wrong: its either he was not going to Griffith Park with us or he didnt get pick out. It was the latter and i feel for him...I understand that getting rejected from a certain subject your passionate about is hard--more so like getting hit by some heavy metal right in the face. And you know what i appreciate about it, he could cry in front of us, leenje and me. He was a real dude and whether he losed a sense of pride or not, he however, gained our sympathetic friendship and somehow respected his ability to show emotions for the crowd to see. I seldom see guys accept defeat and give in and Cl-de, was nothing but a real dude. *I high-five you, mi retarded. I guess youre stuck with me after school everyday now. :-P

Anyway, people are starting to tease us about being "lovebirds" because oooooh we pretty much hang out with each other A LOT that is, and wear the same shoes at times. Well, i wish i could say we are couples to please everybody but we're SO NOT. We're just close friends, soo close that making fun of one another is not a big deal anymore. Its wonderful what time can turn relationships into... We met each other last sept. 05, hanged out the summer like everyfookinday and still hanging out and voila! Friendship that could (pls. oh pls) absolutely last a lifetime. The thing that bothers me the most is that, i get jealous at times when he's with some other girlfriends of his...i dunno, i think im just being paranoid here but seems like everyone is trying to steal him from me. Cant blame them, after all, hes a great guy with some nice hair. :-P Though i hate the idea of me getting left behind when he get a real girlfriend in the future, i still think that our divine pact will last longer than any silly, high school-ish relationship out there.


kaka-nut,
ja-nay-nay.

P.S. Griffith park story will be told uhm.......next year? hahaha there were too many things to talk about and im too lazy to write a novel as of the moment.

*from deviantart.com

I eat art, bitchy, and tomato omelet for breakfast. I do have a heart of gold even with my "I say it how it is" attitude. I'm above anything else, crazy: dramatist at times, witty funny and I am every personalities put together. I don't think I am stupid just because it takes me longer to figure or do things. In my free time, I tend to dance in my undies until i fall asleep half-naked. Other than those mentioned, there is nothing more special about me. If there is, it is yet undiscovered. So i came upon a goal: self-discovery or bust, babe.

&hearts music
&hearts art
&hearts writing
&hearts cooking
&hearts photography
&hearts food
&hearts cheese monkeys
&hearts coffee
&hearts hot hot heat
&hearts sunshine
&hearts interiors
&hearts books
&hearts pickle relish
&hearts cinnapretzel
&hearts floors
etc &hearts &hearts &hearts

Alan:Blasted Brains, Coy
Anne:Dysfunctionism.
Arnel:Lover Boy.
Aaron:Strange guy.
Avy:Anguished.
Bam:thegreat.
Catherine:Rawrness.
Carl:Tuesdays.
Dane:Oxymoron.
DC:Alter-ego.
Dhea:Mixed Emotions.
Dotep:Memory.
Elmo:Big bird!
Francess:Spunkified.
Gerome:Basketbolista.
Giselle:Soccer-ism.
Gracie:Pretty.
Henzel:Flyaway.
IT2M
Ituloy angSulong.
Jasmin:rockin.
Jham:summer.
LA:Artworks.
maryjuana:Life.
Mark:makeenetics.
Mark:Secrets.
Miselle:unpromiscuous.
Mishi: Korean jive
Pam:Vanity.
Reyn:Orange world.
Rina:peace&love
Tala:Sarcasm.
Teen Council default.
Tina:life's abundant.
UtakGago:writing genius
Xyla:nurcessist.

designer | kathleen(:
image&brushes | su-e
host | imageshack

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