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Thursday, October 12, 2006
Thoughts.Art really do keeps me tack most of the time. That was what i needed, my teacher to acknowledged the effort i have put behind one of my works and now simply ready to do some more. I'm inspired by average people, I wanna write a poem, a novel, make a name for myself, its one of those nights where my head is just way above the clouds and none could tackle me down. I put more effort to my last abstract self-portrait and achieved my teacher's trust that i have been longing for since this year. I may still be crippled but i think i'm recovering little by little.
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Its sad how Couch Lugo who seemed very much healthy than everyone else last year is now under going chemo to further prevent the lung cancer that pretty much have taken him away from his mentor job and the students who he have treated as sons. He is one of those people where 20 years from now would still be remembered by many. I remember the first day i had him. He couldnt pronounce my name and he made up something similar to it. I wasnt offended rather pleased by his sense of humour, and laugh it off myself. Every time he sees me, he's always playing around, speaking in phony chinese, bowing as if im japanese and the like. It may seem like a racist thing to do but i didnt saw it that way. I saw it more like a mutual understanding between different races as if doing what he was doing would draw our differences together. I would rather have someone true to me than not talk to me at all because im asian. :-) Well, hopefully he'll get better soon. As i try to fight my eatting problems. Im not bullimic, anorexic or anything, i just notice that i get hungry all the time. do you think im dying myself? hopefully not.
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Today, i bid a friend goodbye. Brenda moved to Missouri, we may have not been closed, but she's a friend nonetheless. I know how it feels to leave something i've established love with and i also know how it feels to lose someone. Its not so much about how many months you had this person, its the quality time you spent together that matters. Now i understand why I have to love everyone i know unconditionally because any time, any day, they'll be gone forever. I'll miss her...
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I need to topple the wall that's stopping me from my way to happiness and getting to know new people. Its not very clear why im very shy, why im misunderstood most of the time. I wanna set-free because not being one make me feels like im empty.
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Believing is art.keeki.
P.S.
I completely dislike my mom right now. She whines alot. she cant stop nagging. djfa'sdjfas;ldfjasd;lfjasdl;fjasdlf;sadjf. wtfuck?. kffjkas';ldkasdf;l.
Blast that stereo, LOUD! {8:21 PM}