Friday, November 17, 2006
As i've said a while ago, spilling my guts wasnt the bestest idea i've done so far. It brought me heavy drama on my part, crying myself a river, and even led some other people to believe im in deep dose of ecstasy. I havent been thinking straight the past few days; I thought telling people i like them would make up for the "un-nice" things i've done and give me my own free-pass to heaven later on...I dunno about that, maybe it did, a little bit, but instead of being unselfish about it, i wanted these people to give the L O V E back. As always, i didnt achieve it, mind you not. Instead, i got a pretty predictable reply: "what? Oh no!!!!!! Not you, AGAIN! No!!!!!!! I'm calling the police!! You stalker!!!!!" No kidding, promise; i made it a little bit exxagerated but its the same thing nonetheless as to, whenever i confess to Nick, or James, or Joe, they run like queers way away from me and make up excuses like "Im married" (huh?) or "My parents are racist. They dont like "girls" like you"(oh girls like me..HUH?) which if entirely not mistaken, morbid in a twisted life kind of way. I understand, my physical form is odd to some extent but even behind the weirdness rest uhm eeer some lame feelings that can easily be hurt by outside forces, so HAVE MERCY, WILL YOU?
Anyway, before i go on, before you go on assuming im such a very good gut spiller, I didnt tell many people i like them at all. I just told him (a person lol) that i do, he freaked out, I freaked out that he freaked out, i went gaga that we were both freakin out, and it took me 2 or another day to get over the overwhelming dillema. After that little charade, i decided not to go on with my STP (STOP THE PRENTENTIOUSNESS self-campaign). Apparently, when i go on revealing my inner feelings, bad things happen. I somehow seld-destruct, i bitch, and annoy others in a great amount of time (because i dont understand why you know, the lemon i've thrown is not being thrown back at me)--while they might enjoy some surprising, flattering words from your introverted kid truly, these people are not always ready that the kid who rarely expresses her feelings thru words is confessing some intimate ones. So why go on with it if it wont do me good? I'm just scared that if i tell my mom i love her she might say "Oh pls. dont, you'll find some other mom to love..." Quoting Borat's "wowoweewa!" XD Terrible thoughts, man. So THE ANSWER TO MY OWN QUESTION IS, TO BE PRETENDING ALL I WANT--IN CLEARER WORDS, KEEP THOSE FEELINGS TO YO SELF, NIGGA! (lol).
love,
keeki
keeki
Blast that stereo, LOUD! {8:39 PM}
